you ever wish you could go back in time...

so my sister is starting at acu this week, and for the first time ever (including the fact that she never had to pay her own car insurance) i think i am jealous of her. how much fun would it be to start college over again. i know most people study and all that, but i really had nothing but fun for the most part. the one condition of me going back would be that chrs billings was still there, which really isn't too much of a stretch. chrs billings was by far the most influential person i met at oc. i know he's goofy and not everyone is going to agree with me, but he really had a gift of making people step out of ther comfort zones. no matter what you did, you were never as goofy as chrs. so as he got farther and farther out there, the rest of us did by association, but we never had to worry about getting the negative attention, because we were never as out there as chrs. i remember spending so much time worrying about what people thought me, and beign around chrs and his attitude really helped me get rid of any sense of shame or embarassment. i remember feeling so free the first time t realized i truly didn't care if i fit in or not, but that i was having fun. when chrs graduated (which is proof that anyone can) i remember how we all told stories about him for the next few years and thought that was a great legacy. my sister made me think of this when she was talking about this group of guys she met yesterday, and she said she couldn't wait to see them 'open up and not worry about trying to be cool'. wow, my sister is light years ahead of me my freshmen year. she's a female chrs billings, which would make her like sommer, which is odd because they talk alike..... hmmmm.....
speaking of opening up, i recently read the book, dare to be honest. what a mindbender. it talks about how our culture justifies lying and deciet and rationalization. i realized how much i still do this to myself. i blow things out of proportion in my mind, then when they don't happen as planned, i get very down on myself. it got me to thinking about how closed we are as a society. the catalyst for this was last night when i was talking to topgun girl (see previous post). we ended up talking for a couple of hours and she was opening up to me right off the bat in a way that was great, but i really wasn't expecting. i eventually asked why she felt okay to share these things with me, and she said we had already laid the groundwork for being open on our date on sunday. i don't say that to brag, but it really makes me wonder how closed we as a society have made ourselves, that honesty could be that inviting. also, we talked about different stages in relationships, and we decided that there should be another official term of 'would like to see them again'. for the record, i would like to see topgun girl again.
something else happened today that really bothered me. i was grabbing some buenos dias grub, and there was this old black guy there that looked like he had been burned almost to disfigurement. he was missing one eye and the other was mostly white. he asked me for a couple of bucks for dinner and i gave him two (of the 27 in my pocket) w/o saying a word. he thanked me and i walked back across the parking lot to the church knowing full well i could have done more to help that poor guy. fortunately God gave me a second chance to redeem myself when he came to the church office and asked for a ride to the bus station for an interview. got me thinking though, i wonder how many opportunities i pass by. why? i'm still kind of disapointed in myself for not taking advantage of the opportunity the first time, but am very grateful for the second chance.
and finally, for one of those disturbing stories that only happens to me... on my flight out to juaner's wedding a couple of weeks ago, our plane was stuck at the terminal for an hour due to inclimate weather. so the wannabe cowboy in the nascar hat, and the kentucky clubtrash in the low cut that were sitting beside me (seriously, when are airlines going to get rid of the center seat) decide to have a drinking contest. so i thorw on the headphones and try to ignore the fact that i have stupid in stereo. so we finally get off the ground and the flight drags on... these two get dumber and dumber... and i eventually feel the need to get up and stretch and get a change of scenery so i go to the bathroom to throw some water on my face, freshen up etc. so when i go back down the aisle, i see that the toothless wonder i sitting in my seat. not bad actually, let the two idiots entertain themselves. so i throw the eargoggles on and spend more energy focusing on primus lyrics than i ever have before and try and get some sleep. after a few minutes of sleep i realize that the two next to me aren't talking anymore, so i make the huge mistake of opening my eyes. she's leaning over him 'looking out the window', with one hand on the armrest and the other in his lap. ugh. how wrong is that. so the flight ends and so does my misery. then, in the terminal the lady that was sitting across the aisle from me comes over and asks me how i managed to keep a somewhat straight face. i really didn't have a response. then she tells me she ran into the cowboy who was talking on his cell to his friends saying, 'yeah... this hot blonde just came over and started hanging all over me...'. yeah. pretty lame.
well, i've got padres tix and the jones for some rolled tacos. one love, one heart.

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