you can't have any pudding if you don't eat your meat...

yet another surreal day. let's just say this rain has put me in the mood to listen to pink floyd. juaner should be here for this. musically this has been an interesting week. I’m really amazed at how the weather effects what I listen to. at the beginning of the week it was really nice out and I was all about 311. Monday got a little cold and windy, postal service took a few spins in the cd player, so did atreyu and taking back Sunday. last night it was buckets, and I ended up buying the new ben harper/ blind boys of alabama cd. today I’ve listened to that, joe strummer, and now pink floyd. I think when I go home it's gonna be some jack johnson.
days like this are hard to enjoy after living in seattle. I was at the grocery store grabbing some lunch, and there were strangers there laughing and talking to each other about trying to not run through puddles. I was quiet, just mad that I had parked in a giant river through the parking lot, and my vans aren't exactly water tight. oh well. at least my feet are staying cool and moist for the rest of the day. regardless, it's weird to see people enjoying the rain.
the worst part of the rain is that I really don't feel like doing a thing. I should probably give my paycheck back for this week cause I’m really no good right now. that, and I had a little fender bender yesterday with a jaguar, and I can feel the days of no money for anything coming up shortly.
the biggest thing that has been nagging me is getting this ministry up and going. I feel like I could be doing so much more right now, but the days really just slip away. part of me is taking the 'rome wasn't built in a day' stance, and then another part of me leans towards 'seriously, what do you do all day'. my newfound addiction to alias really isn't helping either. yesterday I had a kid who had taken a day off of school, struggling with the whole 'finding yourself' thing. man, I felt useless. I can remember so much of what he was going through and I still had no way of telling him what I was thinking. it was like playing charades or something, and I don't think he quite got what I was motioning. I think it's time to call in reinforcements and give 'wild one' (old youth minister in tulsa) a call. once again I’m torn though. I feel like I should be able to go six weeks without having to call for help. well, maybe this is God breaking me down. hope so, stuff like that is a pain to have to deal with for a long time.
personally, there really isn't much to tell. maybe that's why these rainy days are kinda lame. when it's sunny out, at least I feel like I could go out and do something, even if I don't. rainy days serve as a reminder to me of the fact that I stay in my apt too much as it is. last night I made the cuz drive me out to the valley just to get out of the apt for the night. we ended up at best buy, which isn't thrilling in the least. oh yeah, and on the way back we listened to some texas country. sorry, to all my friends out there who swear that is the anti-nashville sound, but I’m not hearing it. I finally talked to topgun girl the other day. it went really good, it even sounded like she was wanting to see me again. I’m trying not to read too much into our conversation, but the more I talk to her, the more I realize I should try and break through to more important stuff. yeah, that's probably the last thing I need to do right now. fortunately, the side of me that wants to wait it out is taking over. at least the waiting isn't due to timidity.
well, the sun just came out, so I think I’m gonna switch cds here and throw on some grits. that, and I should probably actually put some youth events on the calendar.
see you in the mud puddles. one love, one heart.

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