Liveblogging at the DMV.

12:42 arrive. Found starting point, get ticket B531.

12:43 robot lady voice says, "now serving B 391".

12:47 inappropriate tank top guy offers suggestions as to how the DMV can expedite his unique, obviously more important needs.

12:55 pretty sure roofing guy just farted.

12:56 "now serving J102". What happened to B?

12:57 call james.

1:04 give up seat for a vet.

1:09 standing next to me in line friend suggests the DMV add a bar.

1:11 barefoot cowboy hat lady makes her entrance.

1:19 awkward kissing at the dmv couple embarrassed kid near them.

1:20 massive wrestler guy gives up seat for sweet little old lady.

1:25 standing next to me in line friend suggests we start the wave.

1:30 kind old man let's extremely large lady sit next to him and is now trying to figure out how to move over to empty seat next to him without being rude.

1:33 Its not my fault I forgot my paperwork lady is upset at the DMV lady because someone else must have forgotten her paperwork.

1:34 giant wrestler guy laughs at tiny skinny wanna be gangster guy.

1:39 sit still guy moves to his third different chair.

1:40 standing next to me in line friend calls me, 'look at me typing on my phone guy'.

1:42 I'm kind of a big deal guy does not realize that he has ketchup on his tie.

1:43 barefoot cowboy hat lady is singing.

1:44 excited guy is really excited about registering his vehicle.

1:49 abe Lincoln beard falls asleep.

1:49 sit still guy moves to his 4th chair.

1:50 I got dressed up for my drivers license photo lady is wearing blue eye shadow.

1:51 standing next to me in line friend and look at me typing on my phone guy debate whether or not the lady on the drew carey show was named mimi.

1:52 robot lady voice says, "now serving G221". goodbye standing next to me in line friend.

1:56 abe Lincoln beard listens politely to catlady talk about her "children".

2:04 matching t shirt couple make their entrance.

2:07 headphones guy goes into bathroom to answer phone.

2:11 best daughter in the world brings in burrito for mom, makes other 200 people in the waiting area jealous.

2:16 check ESPN mobile for sports news and realize I don't have anything to check until spring training starts.

2:18 funny lady yells bingo when B517 is called.

2:22 robot lady voice has no stopped for 6 minutes.

2:23 debate on whether or not to go to bathroom and risk missing robot lady voice call my number.

2:25 B351!

2:26 need a smog test.

2:29 drop off car at smog test shop.

2:33 downgraded to c154.

2:44 over to the corner store for a snapple.

2:49 pick up paperwork from smog check.

2:51 back over to DMV to hang out with long lost friends; barefoot cowboy hat lady, navycouple, and massive wrestler guy.

2:55 joker hair does not pass his test.

2:59 navycouple notices robot lady voice is not calling C numbers.

3:00 finish snapple, throw bottle into trash can with sign that reads, 'this not a secure trash bin'.

3:01 talk to trash bin to make it feel more secure

3:03 "now serving every letter but C".

3:06 C140!

3:11 skaterguy says to friend "hehe... 311 dude".

3:12 ponytail through cap guy makes his entrance.

3:18 I forgot my paperwork lady us back

3:20 J264 is pretty cute.

3:23 quick dry guy asks if anyone wants to go get some Mexican food.

3:24 quick dry guy starts clapping for people getting numbers called.

3:25 quick dry guy tried to auction off B640 ticket.

3:27 J264 chica says hola to blogworld.

3:31 quick dry guy teaches little kid how to make elephant noises.

3:35 quick dry guy yells,"B639 come on down, you're the next contestant at the DMV!"

3:39 "I'm not as think as you drunk I am" t shirt guy makes his entrance.

3:44 realizing I will probably be haunted in my dreams by robot lady voice.

3:48 pretty sure rent a cop is walking quickly back and forth just to look busy.

3:51 C154!

3:52 angels sing, trumpets sound and I get my tags and am out of here.

3:55 affix tags and hit the road.

one love, one heart.


OK Chick said...

Great post! LOL many times.

Jonathan Storment said...

This is funny D.J. I had already read it, but I wanted you to know that I stopped by. You are a creative, funny writer. Well done on the Album cover pictures a while back. Greatness!

highfiverson said...

dude... i love places like the dmv. it's one of those defining moments where you get to say "yes. these people really do exist."

my dmv character is "try to be descreet about reading highlights even though i'm 22 but totally blow my cover by laughing out loud" girl

and i'm happy to say i've met every one of your dmv friends and i remember them well.

two loves.