Dwight: Ok, do something stereotypical so I can get it really quick.

goooood mooorning vietnaaaaaam! if that's not funny to you, then you need to be watching the office on thursday nights.

so it's been a few weeks since my last post so i figured it was time to update the world, or at least mi madre and my handful of other readers to what's been going on lately.

yesterday was one of those unplanned days that ended up being pretty chill. one of the kiddos from san diego came up to visit and get out of the house for a couple of days while on spring break. he's a photography buff, and wanted to come take some pics in l.a. and along the pch. the plan was to head down the coast and loop up back north through the valley and get a bunch of rolls of film used up. well, the weather didn't exactly cooperate, so we ended up cruising down one of the nicest drives in the world in the middle of a torrential downpour. needless to say we didn't take near as many pics as we wanted, and just ended up driving around los angeles kinda aimlessly, just talking. it's kinda cool when you can have those days where you don't really do a whole lot, but it still ends up being a busy day, and one where you had fun. we ended up meeting the cuz and mucho risas chica for dinner at chili's and by the time we got back we were all pretty wiped out. something about rainy days kinda makes the world seem like its moving a little slower.

one of the things we talked about was how over-hyped stuff can become. here we are cruising down hollywood blvd, sunset blvd, rodeo drive, and bel air, and we really weren't all that impressed. we felt bad for all of the tourists that were braving the rain to find these 'famous spots' in l.a. don't get me wrong, l.a. is a great place to visit, and there are a million things to do here, but hollywood and beverly hills?... we really don't see the hype. for example, graumanns chinese theater where all of the starts put their hands in concrete, and where they reveal people's starts for the walk of fame (by the way, we missed destiny's child getting their star by about two hours.... dang) is actually really tiny, and it's in the middle of a block of some random star maps stores, fast food dives, and some other unmentionable shops. not exactly the glamourous setting you would expect.

my favorite part of the hollywood is the star walk of fame. sure they reveal the stars in front of graumann's, but most stars end up being three miles down the road in front of a popeye's chicken. for example, if tony danza wanted to see his star he would have to find the pawn shop it was in front of, and move the person sleeping on it. for me it's a great reminder of priorities, and helps throw things into perspective.

and it's not just l.a. i remember a while ago i thought it would be really cool to see graceland when i was out visiting my grandparents in memphis. at the very least, i wanted to see some hardcore elvis fans crying in front of the gate. so we went to find graceland, and it was kinda in the middle of the hood, had graffiti all over the walls, and the house was about the same size as some of my friends' back home. i really couldn't imagine that being the main destination for a vacation. i think this is why my parents never really took us on a whole lot of vacations to see things or places, but people. i know we stopped at the grand canyon a few times, but it was always on the way to or from visiting family in texas. unless it was somewhere really exotic, or a place where there were many things to see in one area, i can't really remember taking a vacation to see a destination. hmmm, never really thought about that...

on monday, i was down in san diego to visit my second family and help dantheman get his old car up to murrietta. talk about a comedy of errors. so dantheman's dad restored an old mg years ago, and let dantheman have it as his first car. when college came around the mg went back in the garage because it wasn't really going to work in oklahoma. so as far as i know, the mg ha been sitting in the garage for about seven years. now that dantheman and futuremom have a house, more specifically a garage, dantheman inherited his car back. anyways, watching us try and push this thing out of the driveway and out on to the trailer must have been a sight to see. we came about a half an inch from ruining a classic car on several occasions. fortunately the car needs restoring, otherwise it would have been a really bad day. so after the longest drive up to murrietta, we finally get the car to the house, when we start trying to back the car dolly in to the driveway. the problem here is that the car dolly's are not meant to go in reverse, and we had both missed the giant DO NOT BACK UP sticker on the arm of the trailer. so we park the trailer across the street, dan steers the car, and i have to push it off of the trailer myself while dan guides it towards the driveway, which has a huge slope to it. we get in the driveway, then dan starts to work on trying get the garage door working. we finally get it open, then start pushing the car up the driveway, when dan yells stop again. now the goofball decides that he doesn't want to wash the car in the garage, so he hoses it off in the driveway, which means we now have to push a wet car. so i protest, and we wait for the car and the driveway to dry off, then we push it, yet again, up into the garage. after days like that i can see why we are friends, we have the same way of planning.

then we go return the car dolly to the uhaul place where we had a great lesson in customer service. so on the way up from san diego the strap on the right tire popped off twice, making us stop and check and redo the lockdown on the freeway. this is not a good thing because teeth on the clamp are worn don a bit, and there is a very real likeliness that the straps will continue to fly off. not to mention there is a classic car in tow, and i'm right behind it on the freeway for an hour drive. so we tell the lady at uhaul what happened, and she starts yelling at us, saying we tied it down wrong, making us feel incompetent. here's a lesson in customer service: the customer is always right. i don't care if i come in saying purple balloons started flying out of the tires, you apologize to the customer for anything out of the ordinary and you smooth things over, you never make the customer feel stupid. then the lady puts the strap in and starts tugging on it herself, looking at us saying 'it works now'. i gladly mentioned that there was huge difference between a lady tugging on the strap and a two ton car on the freeway pulling on the strap. here's the thing, we weren't looking to get money back or trying to start a ruckus, we just wanted them to know for future references, so that it didn't happen someone else. when we mentioned this she got even more mad at us. seriously, not big on uhaul right now in murrietta. me and dantheman just had to laugh though, not a whole lot of stuff you can do about idiot people.

so what else is going on...

i had another big realization over the past few weeks. i am unconventional. this should not surprise anyone that knows me at all, but it's something i've lost sight of over the past year or so. here's the thing, i've always had a bunch of rules to live by, parents, high school, college... and now, i don't really have those rules. when i was a kid, i had my parents rules to work around (note i'm not saying breaking). if my parents told me to do something, i would get it done my own way. in school as a kid i always did my own thing as well, esp when it came to expectations of work load and grades. i got to the same place that they wanted me to go, but i went according to my own directions. in college, i had probably the most rules i've ever had in life, and that's the happiest i've ever been, mainly doing things that were a little outside of the conventional rules of oc. now that i am out on my own, i only have God's rules and my own. over the past year i've started to do things that go against my own rules. nothing bad, but things like trying to copy other youth ministers, take up hobbies other people have, and spending most of my day in the office. here's the thing, i took an unconventional way into youth ministry, and i never intended on being an average youth minister. so why am i trying to act like one? i went from looking to others for ideas, to trying to be like others. i lost my outside perspective. also, i started off my ministry with a little bit of a chip on my shoulder that i used to use as motivation. i don't have a youth ministry degree, i'm single, and i did not have any experience when i started looking for a job. a lot of places passed on me because of any combination of those three things, and as a result i developed a motivation to prove to myself and the rest of the world that God could use me for youth ministry. having that conventional youth minister image really helped me define my approach to ministry, and had lost sight of that. i started going against my own rules and i wasn't as happy as i wanted to be. so in the past few weeks i've gone back to getting that image of the typical youth minister in my head, and making sure that i am paving my own path to the same destination. i want to reiterate that this does not mean i am breaking rules for the sake of breaking rules, this just means that i approach my classes differently, and i spend my time differently. in no way shape or form do i condone breaking God's rules, but i do recommend that we all look at the path that God has intended us to travel to the same destination.

this has been a fun revelation though. i feel like i did back in my punk ska days in high school. i feel like it's me and God walking through the woods vs. us taking the park trail. there's also a part of me that wants to get a mohawk, a couple more tattoos and find my old spiked jacket. that might have to wait, but one of my friends put it pretty well, "d.j., you don't need a mohawk, you have one on your heart". very true. man, the freedom that comes from knowing that you have your own path to walk is amazing. just thinking about it gets me charged up. it's a great testimony of God's good will too, we were never designed to fit into the mold of another person. i am on of a kind, uniquely and wonderfully designed by the same God that put the stars in the sky. why should i try and change that?

other random thoughts...

the cuz had this quote at dinner last night: "your nickname was trucker, maybe you'll know. why do they call it a semi truck? if anything a regular truck should be called a semi truck cause it's not near as big."

my oldest guitar ras, is about to become artwork, or a decoration. we bought her back in 94 for something like forty bucks, and we've traveled all over this country together. she's always had a great sound, almost like a ukulele, but as of late the neck has started to warp, making it tougher to actually get her to sound good. it's going to be a tough day finally hanging her on the wall for display purposes only. she's been good to me though, covered in stickers, with a wide, worn down neck that was really easy to learn on. we've played a lot of songs together, gone through a lot of strings, campfires, beach trips, plane rides, camps, jam sessions, and i think a few trips down the river. so far anyone that remembers my guitar and the good times she brought with her, just thought you'd like to know.

speaking of guitars, i bought a bass guitar last week at a pawn shop. let me tell you, my neighbors really love me now. so now i'm teaching myself to play bass. actually, i figured it was easier to buy a bass and learn how to play, then trying to program something that sounds like a bass on garageband. for a cheap beat up bass it's pretty sweet. it won't be long until i dress up a little, but for now the key is teaching myself how to play. chalk this up as me doing things my own way. either way, i was able to record a bunch of stuff last weekend, and hopefully i'll have some stuff posted on myspace before the summer starts. we'll see.

my other purchases of note lately def send out a nerd alert, but i really don't care. i'm going to put a spiritual spin on this so don't make fun, but lately i've been buying legos. talk about a cathartic hobby, legos are awesome. there's something very calming about putting together legos. maybe it's the hour or two of focus that it takes to put them together, the ability to create and sort out a mess into something constructive, or just the reminiscing on fond childhood memories, but i'm all about legos as of late. and to double the nerdiness, i've been buying star wars lego sets. don't expect me to dress up and go to any conventions any time soon, but i have told a few of my friends about this, and i have gotten some jealous responses. so here's the spiritual stuff i can draw from legos. first, there's the all important part of following directions. if you want your creation to look anything like the picture on the box you better follow all of the steps. then there are the specific pieces that make every lego creation unique. you know those parts that you would never use again on another creation that work only for that one thing, which is why you keep the directions, you can rebuild it again later. speaking of the pieces, you could draw a lot from the way the pieces are designed to fit together, and how you can take so many different colors and shapes to create something. then there is the sheer creativity it takes to design lego sets. forget getting a man in space, how long did it take for the lego guys to figure out how to build the millennium falcon? and finally, there is the ability to sit quietly and dive into your own world for a while that is awesome. i know this may sound a little juvenile, but i recommend the next time you are stressed, or just want some quiet time, go pick up some legos.

well, it's about time for me to be a grown up and get to work. some of the kiddos are coming up to skate the church before ROOTS so i better move my car.

by the way, thanks for all the positive responses to my past several posts, both written and spoken. it means a lot to know that my ranting and raving can bring you laughter and encouragement.

one love, one heart.

Use the force young Skywalker...

this may go under the 'you had to be there' section of my stories, but there's been a few things that have happened in the last few weeks that have got me cracking up...

first off, i have to preface this story with the fact that i love traveling by plane, because there is always the greatest potential for an awkward moment when a bunch of strangers are enclosed six inches from each other for hours on end. nuff said. anyways, on my trip out to dallas a few weeks ago i was seated on the on the back row of the plane. the two ladies to my left and the three across the aisle were all chinese, which looking back, makes for a funny picture thinking about a massive white guy and a bunch of skinny asian women crammed in a plane together. anyways, i started to doze off as soon as we took off, which was a little more difficult than usual, because i couldn't lean the seat back. so here i am sleeping sitting straight up when we hit a little turbulence that startles me. i open my eyes and there are a pair of jeans about three inches from my face. i was pretty freaked out, but the girl that was trying to step over me was freaked out even more and tried to jump into the aisle, planting her face on the ground. she got up laughing, then i started laughing, then the ladies by us started laughing and saying stuff in chinese. i had no clue what they were saying, but just kind of smiled and laughed along. then they started laughing even more, and i think it's because i was looking like a moron trying to laugh along to jokes made in chinese. ahhh, awkward moments... so much fun.

on the flight back, the plane was pretty empty, and everyone had their own row. talk about a great flight, we even got to watch walk the line, which is climbing up my favorite movie list. here's the funny thing about planes though, when you have to go to the bathroom, everyone knows what you're doing. it's not like you are hiking down the aisle to talk to your neighbor in row 32, so there's no need to really pretend. that, and anyone that's traveled on planes before has been in the same place, having to walk down the middle aisle holding on to seats as you go because the plane rocks a little bit. so as soon as the movie is over a whole group of people head to the back of the plane to use the two lavatories. both doors are locked, so now we have like 5 or 6 people standing in the back galley area. so we start small talking about the movie a little bit while we're waiting for people to filter through. all of the sudden one of the doors open and this horrendous smell fills the air. this lady pokes her head out, sees us, realizes it smells awful and then closes the door immediately. she then hides in the bathroom until the rest of us (who are trying not to laugh so we don't have to breathe in the noxious air) take our turns in the other lavatory. here's the thing though, she kept poking her head out to check and see if we were gone. seriously, we're on a plane, we all know what you did, and there really is nowhere to hide. just walk back to your seat and let that be it. seriously, are you going to hide in the back until we land and everyone has left the plane. the longer you wait the more people are going to worry about you. i had a good laugh over this one. sorry if it doesn't translate well into a story.

last week we had our monthly sr. saints breakfast. a group of 30 or so seniors go out and eat breakfast, and i pretend i'm awake join them. so our preacher lawdog was running about twenty minutes late, so all of the senior saints were looking at me for answers. the nicest, sweetest, little old lady sitting across from me says we should punish lawdog when he gets in, and i mentioned something about a kick to the shins to wake him up. so when lawdog gets there, he makes his way around the table, shaking hands and greeting all of our seniors. when he comes to this lady, she stands up, holds onto his arms for support, then proceeds to continually kick him in the shins. then she stops and switches legs. the expression on lawdog's face was a priceless mix of utter shock and amusement. i almost fell out of my chair laughing at the sight of the sweetest little old lady kicking our 6'3" preacher in the shins while holding on to him for support. once again, a story that prob doesn't translate without having been there, but an image i will hopefully have in my head for a long while.

so what else...

yesterday was a pretty good day. me and some of the youth ministry crew went to see the world baseball classic game between team usa and team korea. aside from the fact that the us got beat soundly at a game we invented, it was pretty exciting to watch. here's some of the highlights:

this was the first time that i have actually been to a sporting event where a team was representing the united states as a whole.

i have never seen that many american flags in one place.

or korean flags.

although there really wasn't a whole lot of baseball to get excited about on our end, the few times where we did get the 'U-S-A, U-S-A' chant going were absolutely amazing. say what you want about our country, but when it comes time for us to be loud, we're loud.

when they played the korean national anthem, everyone was very respectful. the best part of their anthem for me was listening to the old man behind us sing. talk about pride, this man was amazing. from the looks of it he was a granddad there with his whole family. when they started playing the korean anthem, he started singing in one of the most powerful voices i've ever heard. it was one of those voices where you know the guy believes in what he is saying. very honest. and when i start to think about what this man had probably been through in his life, i was pretty moved.

team korea fans. simply amazing. they were relentless and absolutely awesome baseball fans. if team usa doesn't win, i'll be glad to see team korea take the prize. although, there were a small group of fans not doing much for dismissing stereotypes by banging on pots and pans whenever team korea scored.

the team that the us fielded was absolutely awesome. jeter, rodriguez, griffey... all on the same field. but that does lead me to some other points:

the low-lights of the game...

next time team usa puts together a lineup, we better have our best on the field. none of this 'whoever shows up' business. it may end up being a good thing having our team lose in the world baseball tournament, maybe it will spur on some pride in our players. i guarantee that there wouldn't be a whole lot of college or AAA ballplayers turning down invites.

our fans. there will always be those ignorant few raider fans that give us a bad name. all night our fans were pretty respectful, until a korean guy named bum ho lee came up to bat. i know there are plenty of jokes there, and trust me, i kinda chuckled when i first heard the name, but that's no excuse to be an ignorant jerk. one guy starts yelling out some jokes, and gets all of the korean fans riled up. good job guy, it the korean fans didn't shut you up, i'm sure the american fans would have.

that being said, there were a couple of fans from both sides that started some trouble, and were promptly escorted out of angel stadium.

all in all, it was a fun game though. we had some good laughs, and there were two things i noticed that have completely sold me on the world baseball classic: first, i love being able to pull for team usa. i love seeing american flags, and i love chanting 'U-S-A' at the top of my lungs. my patriotism is pretty high today, and there's a good chance of me and the cuz watching rocky 4 tonight. secondly, i like being able to pull for player that i don't normally get to root for. i.e. the boston red sox and atlanta braves. it was nice to finally be able to pull for guys like chipper jones and jason varitek. best of luck to big papi and all those other guys i won't like in a few weeks.

oh yeah, i also had my first stadium dog of the season, always a reason to celebrate.

random thoughts...

i'm cold. that may not seem like a big deal, but it is to me. it's been in the 40's and 50's around here lately during the day, and dropping down to the high 30's at night. when i lived in oklahoma this wasn't a big deal, and i would laugh at people that complained about the weather. now that i am a californian again, i find myself taking pride in the fact that anything below 70 is freezing cold. and before anyone comments about how weak we are when it comes to weather, i know. i am perfectly willing to accept this as fact. i am also going to go to the beach on christmas day. nuff said.

there are certain movies that help you relate with any generation. if i want to relate to my kids, i pull out some anchorman, or dodgeball quotes. and before they got killed, i was using a bunch of napoleon dynamite quotes. if i want to get my friends laughing, dumb and dumber, happy gilmore and billy madison do the job. for people my parents age, blazing saddles is golden. anyone older than that, just go straight for the three stooges. i know there are plenty more to choose from, but these are my go-to movies.

albums. this may be me officially turning into one of those 'old music guys', but i don't really care. i kind of miss actual albums. i feel like too many artists are gearing their songs towards the single, and not really focusing on creating a cohesive album. and i miss album artwork. i miss the days of opening up a new album and sitting there and reading the lyrics to the songs while staring at the cover art. i say this being part of the problem as much as anyone else. i pretty much buy all of my music off of itunes now mainly for availability and price. you really can't beat 9.99 for whole albums. i also know that as soon as i save up enough money to get an ipod, i'm going to pretty much eliminate any need for a tangible collection of music. all digital. it's kind of like when you know your favorite baseball player is going to retire, you know you'll still like baseball, but it's going to be hard to root for that team the same way as you did before. all of this comes from the fact that my friend valleygirl bought me some actual records the other day at the thrift store. big props to her and anyone that still collects vinyl.

speaking of gifts, risas mucho chica was out shopping the other day and got me a set of bowls that made me crack up. i now own a set of dodger and raider bowls. now if only i could find something worthy of putting in those bowls, like used kleenex... maybe some of lil stizz's dirty diapers...

oh yeah, i now have three copies of walk the line. thank you to my friends and family that know i love johnny cash.

not so random thoughts...

in the past few weeks i've kind of checked out of my typical routine and thought process. actually, we're going on a couple of months at this point. regardless, i'm doing a lot of introspective thinking and here are some of the things that i've been doing/ thinking lately:

the big thing right now is figuring out the big thing. i've been doing a lot of narrowing down and thinking through my priorities, and trying to focus on the top few. sounds simple but believe me, i've been losing sleep over this. but i have been able to narrow down my list of priorities to these top five:

1. spend time with God. sounds easy, makes sense, def needs to be number one if any of these other things are going to fall in line. it's funny how the biggest thing can be the easiest to forget.

2. get organized. i'm making so many lists right now of things to do it's unreal. this also includes time management which has never been something i've attempted working on, much less making it a priority in life. this one is the tough one of the bunch.

3. free time. as much as i love vegging out, i am making sure that my free time is actually spent dong something i want to do, instead of what i always feel like doing.

4. follow through. this goes right behind getting organized on things that are going to be tough to do. i never really understood why i had to do homework until recently. (this is the part where my parents insert an 'i told you so' in here) but homework was simply a means of getting used to getting things done. ouch. i should have done more homework. not having deadlines has been kicking my butt. back when i did have deadlines, if i didn't do something, the time would pass, i would take the consequences and move on. not so much anymore. now things don't simply pass by with time.

5. going back to my roots. i have always been an unconventional person. this is one of those things that i have known, but have been reminded of recently. i've lost this. i have always had rules and expectations to abide by that i have always found my own way through and around. now that i am on my own, i don't really have any person's rules to follow except mine (obviously God's rules are a separate issue). a big way this has changed me has been my approach to youth ministry. i started looking at what my goals have become, and they have started to look like everyone else's. that in and of itself is not that bad, because there are some awesome youth ministers that i work with, but i am not them. i got into youth ministry by going down a unique path, and i've stopped walking down that same path. i've started to break my own rules, and not the ones that are associated with youth ministry. last friday i spent the day hanging out with some kids skating and painting, and then finished the day at a punk show. that was a great reminder of where my direction is in ministry.

another thing i ran across a while ago was the 'life satisfaction index'. it's a simple equation, assign your reality a number from 1-10, then assign your expectations a number from 1-10. now subtract your expectations from your reality (reality of 8 - expectations of 6 = satisfaction of +2) if the answer is above 5, then your expectations are too low for your reality. if the answer is below -5, then your expectations are much too high. the goal is to aim for a +2, where your reality is slightly better than your expectations. my problem as of late is that things have either been a +9 or a -9, without much middle ground. so now i go back to re-examining my expectations, which is an interesting trip. more on this as i start to get the hang of it.

something else that hit the other day, was the way i am handling dealing with my dad. i have focused so much of my attention on the fact that mi padre is a great man, and i have no doubt about where he will be spending eternity, but i have neglected the fact that i am dealing with a natural part of life much sooner than most people do (hmmmm, an unconventional experience, this kind of rings a bell..). the best comparison i could come up with is that of luke skywalker. he went to train with yoda, but had his training cut short before he could fully become a jedi. he had to go a roundabout way of completing his training. i'm kind of like luke skywalker in that i'm going to have go about my growing up in an unconventional way. now if only i had a lightsaber....

well, that's enough head shrinking for now, my guitar is calling out my name, as is my porch overlooking a little league game. thanks to everyone that reads this and encourages me. the swell is coming, and look for me to be riding some serious waves in the near future. till then,

one love, one heart.

Recite em some lyrics dude...

So i'm not typically one to post song lyrics, but today i had my playlist on shuffle and there were three songs in a row that have really stuck with me for a while, and i'd like to share with my small group of readers how these songs have affected me.

first off is one of my favorite songs of all time. this is the song that inspired me to listen to punk rock back when i was ten, and inspired me to pick up my first guitar. very rarely do i play guitar for more than a few minutes w/o playing this song. fortunately it's easy enough to play and sing at the same time.

Ball and Chain
by Social Distortion

Well it's been ten years and a thousand tears
And look at the mess I'm in-
A broken nose and a broken heart,
An empty bottle of gin
Well I sit and I pray
In my broken down Chevrolet-
While I'm singin' to myself
There's got to be another way

Take a way, take away,
Take away this ball and chain
I'm lonely and I'm tired
And I can't take any more pain
Take away, take away
Never to return again
Take away, take away...
Take away this ball and chain

Well I've searched and I've searched
To find the perfect life-
A brand new car and a brand new suit
I even got me a little wife-
But wherever I have gone
I was sure to find myself there-
You can run all your life
But not go anywhere

Take a way, take away,
Take away this ball and chain
I'm sick and I'm tired
And I can't take any more pain
Take away, take away
Never to return again
Take away, take away...
Take away this ball and chain

Well I'll pass the bar on the way
To my dingy hotel room-
I spent all my money
Been drinkin' since half past noon-
I'll wake there in the mornin'
Or maybe in the county jail-
Times are hard getting harder
I'm born to lose and destined to fail-

Take a way, take away,
Take away this ball and chain
I'm lonely and I'm tired
And I can't take any more pain
Take away, take away
Never to return again
Take away, take away...
Take away this ball and chain

I know this was not written by a christian, but it has really become a great prayer of sorts for me. How many times do you feel like you just want to break loose of everything that holds you back? man, talk about out a great request of God, to take away things that burden you... i'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're called to do.

The next song will probably make you laugh, i do every time that i sing it, but if you can get past the one-hit-wonder status of this song and dig into the lyrics, it really makes a great statement.

What's Up
by 4 Non Blondes

25 years of my life and still
Tryin' to get up that great big hill of
Hope, for a destination.
I realized quickly when I knew I should
That the world was made up of this brotherhood of
Man, for whatever that means.

And so I cry sometimes, when I'm lying in bed
just to get all out, what's in my head, then
I, I am feeling, a little peculiar.
And so I wake in the morning, and I step outside
And I take a deep breath, and I get real high, and
I, scream from the top of my lungs, "What's going on?"
And I say, "Hey yeah yeah hey, hey yeah yeah."
I said, "Hey, what's going on?"
And I say, "Hey yeah yeah hey, hey yeah yeah."
I said, "Hey, what's going on?"

And I try, oh my god, do I try
I try all the time, in this institution.
And I pray, oh my god, do I pray
I pray every single day, for a revolution.

And so I cry sometimes, when I'm lying in bed
just to get all out, what's in my head, then
I, I am feeling, a little peculiar.
And so I wake in the morning, and I step outside
And I take a deep breath, and I get real high, and
I, scream from the top of my lungs, "What's going on?"
And I say, "Hey yeah yeah hey, hey yeah yeah."
I said, "Hey, what's going on?"
And I say, "Hey yeah yeah hey, hey yeah yeah."
I said, "Hey, what's going on?"

25 years of my life and still
Tryin' to get up that great big hill of
Hope, for a destination

what a great song to sing to sum up being twenty five, and being somewhere between having life figured out, and having no clue at all. i love playing this really loud on my electric and literally screaming at the top of my lungs 'what's going on?'. i don't think my neighbors like this song anymore, which is sad, cause they're going to hear for a while.

and last but not least there's a new song on the block that really has me pumped up about where my ministry needs to be headed:

Landslide
by stretcharmstrong

all these years and no conclusion
a bitter end to each passing day
so alone now, so angry, so much confusion
you lose again, things always stay the same

and so you feel you're falling down
life's ropes are cut, lying all around

a landslide of nameless faces
these lost souls,
they come from a million places
no sense of home, feels like you don't belong
a landslide, we missed what you had to offer

how could you fight this endless battle?
the killers, they're armed to the teeth
and i know you're scared of this lonely struggle
no acceptance, fulfillment's out of reach

and so you feel you're falling down
life's ropes are cut, lying all around
left with no help to push on through
more and more of the pressure was killing you

a landslide of nameless faces
these lost souls,
they come from a million places
no sense of home, feels like you don't belong
a landslide, we missed what you had to offer

quietly dying
desperately crying
silently trying
we never knew you

a landslide of nameless faces
these lost souls,
they come from a million places
no sense of home, feels like you don't belong
a landslide, we missed what you had to offer

man, that song gets me every time. the line that hits the hardest for me is 'these lost souls they come from a million places'. the people that need Christ, need Christ for so many reasons. every person has their own story of why they need Christ in their lives. i get caught up so often in the church numbers game, that i sometimes forget that every person i reach out to has such different needs, but also has so much to offer God in return. most importantly, we all have a place in the body of Christ that gives us hope and a sense of belonging.

i know these songs may seem somewhat depressing, but really, what good song isn't? i can only listen to 'walking on sunshine' by katrina and the waves so many times before i need a good soul cleansing dose of rock n roll. that, and anyone that knows me knows that songs like these always make me feel better, a sense of release, something like that.

here's to six strings, three chords and a sore throat.

one love, one heart.

Clark W. Griswold

hola blogworld, it's been a while. i titled this post Clark W. Griswold, because that's who i have felt like these past few months. i had a crazy road trip across half of our country, a one-of-a-kind christmas, and my own european vacation. i still have never been to vegas, but admit it, no one really remembers the vegas vacation movie. anyways, it's been a while since i put my thoughts together in a readable format, and as i sit down now i'm remembering how therapeutic this is. i guess the best place to start off this post (which is by far going to be the longest post i've ever put together) is with what's on my mind currently...

THE LATEST NEWS
this week has just been one of those weeks. mi padre is closer to earning his wings than we had originally anticipated. part of me is waiting for that sense of relief in knowing that dad is finally cured of all pain, and that mi madre can relax and take a well deserved deep breath, while another part of me is tensing up like when you know you're going to get hit really hard. to be honest, this is wrecking shop for me physically, no sleep etc. however, i do feel the need to remind those around me that in no way shape or form does this have me questioning God's grace and compassion. in fact, i feel like the more tired i get, the more i can feel the presence of the Holy Spirit guiding me through my days. it's like that old church song says, "more of You, and less of me", or something like that. whatever, i've felt God do too much in my life to start denying that He is still going to bless me through these next few months.

also on my mind this week is my brother by love, dantheman. he was up snowboarding on tues and took a pretty serious hit. when the ski patrol checked him out they realized he had ruptured his spleen, and was bleeding internally. they rushed him down the street to the hospital where they removed his spleen and about half of his blood. as of right now it looks like he is going to make a very good recovery. i went to spend the day with him on tuesday, and he was in good spirits, and was able to move around, although you could tell he was still in a lot of pain. actually, we couldn't really spend a lot of time together, because we would get to laughing and it would literally break his stitches, so i ended up getting him a free lawn mower and working on the yard outside. tappertrainman came by later to hang out as well and hooked up dantheman's entertainment system so we could watch blazing saddles. one of those things where you know it's going to hurt, but you do it anyways. whatever, you really don't need an excuse to watch blazing saddles.

about a month ago i said some things to dan in a way that was completely non-constructive. after my parent meeting (read below) a few months back i should have known better. fortunately those things were cleared up before this happened, but that has been weighing on my mind heavily the past few days. i've had years to prepare for my dad, but the potential to lose dantheman is something i simply could not handle. if i've learned any lesson recently, is that things that need to be said, need to be said. i'm talking about the 'i love yous', the 'thank yous' and the 'please forgive me' type of things that we always assume will come about naturally. i've cleared the air with dantheman and futuremom, and truly feel forgiven. i'm just ashamed that tragedies seem to be necessary to be called into action on certain things. this is a part of my life i am truly ready to change.

THE POSITIVE
now that i have cleared the negativity out of the my writing mood, i would be remiss to not mention the amazing gift of friendship that God has granted me lately. i'll start off with dantheman, because that's where friendship stats with me. these past couple of months dantheman and i have spent less time with each other than in previous years, and it continually amazes me how a friendship transfers through time. we have this uncanny ability to pick off where we left off at any given time, and finishing each others sentences is old hat to us. i think if we really wanted to freak people out we could convince strangers that we were psychically connected or something. it's gotten to the point that some of our conversations are boiled down to one word. he says a word, that reminds me of a story, we both laugh because he's thinking of the same thing, and then we move on. at the very least it's an efficient way to communicate.

next, i have to move on to move on to the youth ministry here in socal. specifically merlin and ronald. in my line of work, there really aren't a whole lot of other people who truly understand what i go through on a daily basis. so spending time with these guys becomes very important. also, we have a way of balancing each other out. lately, i've been struggling a bunch with my organization, and i have ronald to lean on for that. merlin has been struggling with some stuff happening in his church, and he has used us to vent and alleviate pressure with comedy. and ronald, well i think he's glad that someone laughs at his jokes, and will go on the buzz lightyear ride with him. to sum up, when it comes crunch time, playtime, work time, or whatever, i am realizing how much God uses my friends to affect the way that i feel.

then there's my two new friends that have entered my life with a bang. valleygirl and a-list. a-list asked to help out with the youth ministry a while ago, and he recently quit his part time job so that he could spend more time with the youth group. nuff said there. but i will mention that i've never would have imagined being friends with him way back in the day, which is awesome because it serves as a constant reminder of the way God plans stuff for us that we never see coming. he graduates this april and i plan on sabotaging any job interview that takes him away from the north l.a. area. then there's valleygirl, oh man i don't even know where to begin. we hit it off pretty good when i first got here, but not until recently have we sealed the deal as great friends. we spent a whole day together last week and it was like hanging out with someone i've known for years. needless to say it's been a while since i've been given the name 'bff', but coming from a legit valley girl, i just have to laugh. and yes i do refer to her as 'bff' as well. shut up.

and finally, i have to give it up to God for the new female in my life, risas mucho chica. not a lot to say yet on that subject, mainly because i don't want to jinx anything as has happened in the past with this very blog. regardless of that though, it's been fun so far, and i don't see any reason why that's going to change anytime soon.

so that's the current stuff, now i'm going to hear back to the time of my last post and put together some paragraphs about the stuff i remember. feel free to skip ahead or whatever. this blog was originally set up for me to look back so there's prob stuff coming up that no one else will care about.

POINT OF IMPACT
so we had our annual impact jr high retreat which was, as usual, an awesome event. i'm always encouraged to see jr high kiddos start to really appreciate and understand God for themselves. one of our kids decided to baptized when we got back from the weekend, which is def justification for the speed at which we traveled on the freeway back to church on sunday morning. definitely. i love it though, when you can see it in the kiddos faces that they get it. it's a little hard to describe, but it's like a look of shock, recognition, surprise, contentment and joy all in one. it's moments like those that serve as great reminders of why i do what i do.

impact was also my first time to be a speaker at a retreat, which was def a trip and a half. i'm so used to my kiddos, and my church, and it has taken over a year to get to a comfort level where i'm not really nervous to talk in front of a group that doesn't know me. it was weird being in front of a large group again, and it only took me a few seconds to realize that these kids had no clue about my sense of humor or my background, and it completely changed the way i had to present my lesson. needless to say, it didn't go as i had planned, but God took over and i think it ended up being a good day. we were talking about thanking God, and i had the story of the ten lepers that were healed and only one returned to thank Jesus. so at lunch time i had the chaperones give different problems to the kiddos like tying their arm in a sling, taping up one leg, covering their mouths, and putting caution tape on them to symbolize losing a limb, being mute, and being a leper. (had to be there kinda thing). anyways, i think some of the kids still remember the lesson a few months back which makes looking back at impact a pretty fond memory.

CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM
there are certain things in my life that i avoid like the plague. the top of that list would be unnecessary drama. on down that list would be parent meetings with the youth ministry. i work my tail off to keep open relationships with the parents in my youth ministry, esp those that show a really involved interest. i think it's also important to note that i am not a big fan of doing things simply because they're 'supposed' to be done. in short, if we're doing something in the youth ministry, there's going to be a purpose to it. i held off for a while on a parent meeting because there really wasn't a whole lot to share yet, and every parent meeting i've ever been to has ended in someone, usually the youth minister leaving discouraged, instead of encouraged. i warned people about this, and i was still asked to hold a parent meeting. i agreed to have the meeting, as long as it was not a time to air out grievances, and we could focus on future planning.

so i prepare a couple of things to talk to my parents about. i know my weaknesses, because i deal with them every day. i also spent a lot of time in prayer and study on how to overcome my weaknesses. i did this because i did not want to have a bloodbath (which i have seen happen before), and i didn't have time to update my resume (i know a youth minister that updates his resume before every parent meeting, and after seeing the parents he works with, i can't blame him). so i go into this meeting hopeful that things are going to go smoothly, and we can focus on the future. i let the parents know about different books that i use for research that they might not know about, and i clue them into myspace, one of the biggest dangers to the kids in our youth group. so far so good. then i introduce some planning books that we are going to use this year, to help parents plan events.

then the bomb drops.

our former youth deacon asks the parents if anyone has any 'issues or concerns', the very question that turns any good meeting downhill. for a second things are going awesome. we had just baptized two kiddos in the youth group that previous week, and their parents had some great words of encouragement. i've got another set of parents that give me some awesome compliments, which were great to hear, but i really don't need a meeting as a forum to build me up because these parents tell me outside of meetings. see above relationship building. so then one set of parents decides to tee off on me. they start off with the books that i recommended for research saying that the Bible was nowhere in there, which automatically shows they weren't listening, because i prefaced my book recommendations as 'books parents might not be aware of'. then, they tee off on merry christmas madness, calling it unholy and embarrassing to the church, because last year a kid threw up. i'm sorry, but just because your child doesn't want to do anything to slightly get out of their shell, does not mean that everything they don't want to do is unholy. merry christmas madness was a huge success, and we even had our preacher involved last year. i'm not a fan of throwing up either, but when a kid tries to drink a two liter of soda and chucks it back up in sink, that's comedy. regardless, it's not some kind of unholy embarrassment. if that's the case, youth groups across the country should be warned not to ever ask any kid to do something they might have the slightest inclination of fear about, because it might cause an ounce of discomfort. yeah, you would never want to be uncomfortable as a christian. wait a second, try dying on a cross or being dinner for a lion. moving on, the one set of parents then teed off on the fact that we openly talked about one of our new members of the youth group being pregnant. to clarify, this young lady started hanging out with the youth group last summer, when she was already two months pregnant. she started attending on thursday nights, and we had several bible studies with her and her boyfriend. we were making huge progress with her and her family to bring them both to Christ. so these parents start in complaining how tough they had it having to talk to their kid about someone being pregnant in the youth group, never mind they are sitting right next to her mom (who has just started getting involved in the church) who promptly leaves the room crying. my heart is breaking as i'm watching so many souls potentially walking out of the door forever. the set of parents then finish up with me personally, insulting my artistic background, and saying that i don't use enough scripture in my lessons.

here's my response, once and for all, so i can finally just move over this. first of all, this should have never happened in this setting. in no way shape or form were those comments constructive to the youth ministry. secondly, i felt like my elders and youth deacon sold me out and left me out to dry, because they knew there was an issue with this parent, and they gave me no heads up. which leads me to the bigger issue, the parents should have come to me first. the irony of being called immature and unscriptural by someone who won't talk to me (and continues to avoid me) and completely skipped the biblical process of dealing with someone first, then going to others (check matthew 18), still doesn't sit well. to be honest, it's put a huge chip on my shoulder and still has me fired up. i was just getting settled with being okay as a youth minister, now i am out to prove to God, myself and anyone who cares to pay attention that i will never settle on anything less than being an excellent youth minister. talk about my feet to the fire, i'm so charged up now, and my ministry has become so clear, yeah... this is going to end up being a good thing. also, i really have a problem with any parents who complain about my teaching style, when they have never sat in on a single class, or asked me about my studying. esp when they're child spends an entire class time text messaging their friends. and lastly, i brought up a scripture in the parent meeting and this perspective has truly changed my outlook on my role as a youth minister. in matthew 9:12 Jesus says that the sick are the ones that need a doctor. enough said. sick people need Jesus, we have Him on our hearts, so we have the responsibility to share what we have. no more country club churches, no more secret society stuff, we're here to affect people.

all in all, things have worked out for the best. i called the mom that left the room the next morning and smoothed things out. we continued to study with the young lady and her boyfriend, who were both baptized soon after. i've had a huge outcry of support from my elders, along with an apology, and the continued support of my good friend and coworker lawdog, who has continued to be a spiritual rock for me.

EUROPEAN VACATION

so after all of that drama, it was great timing for me to get away, so i hopped on a plane and went to visit mi hermana, who was spending the semester in oxford with her group from ACU. this was by far the best trip i've ever been on, and my first real vacation on my own. yeah, i've set the bar pretty high. anyways, here are some of the highlights.

we spent a couple of days in and around oxford, which was an awesome town. we saw christchurch, the spot where cornwall was burned at the stake in the middle of the street, university park and all kinds of ancient buildings. my favorite places in oxford were the bench and park where tolkien wrote the hobbit, the restaurant where him and c.s. lewis hung out, and the oxford dictionary press. first off, i love lord of the rings, and sitting on the bench where tolkien wrote the hobbit made a huge impact on me. it really helped the movies come alive, and made me realize how much an environment can have an affect on how you feel and what you see. eating at the 'eagle and child', where the inklings met was also kind of a big deal, because you really got a sense of history, and how much one person can influence the world. that really came into play later on that week. as for the oxford press, it was just funny to be in oxford and be surrounded by dictionaries. call that my warped sense of humor. on my 'i guess it's famous' list, we also ate at the pub where bill clinton never inhaled, and saw the school where hugh grant attended (evidently that's a big deal over there).

then we spent a day or so in london, which may be the coolest city in the world. riding around on the underground was awesome, but it was kind of creepy too. here you have all of these packed cars, and no one makes a sound. i guess it's impolite to talk loudly in public over there, which def took some getting used to, but it does explain why every person on 'the tube' had their ipods on. but talk about useful, the underground was by far the coolest way i've ever gotten around a city. as much as i loved it tough, i was so stoked to get back home and drive my big ol suv around with my radio cranked up. back to england though... we also got to go to the first hard rock cafe, which was so sweet. i'm typically not a fan of hard rock cafe's, cause they usually have all of this stuff from one hit wonders. seriously, i don't really care to be eating under a rick james famed jerry curl wig. but in london, the hard rock had original beatles' guitars, guns n roses jackets, jimi hendrix concert posters, and then there was the vault. downstairs they have in one room a trumpet from miles davis, kurt cobain's guitar, bob dylan's hat and guitars, stuff from the clash, the who, bo diddley, elvis... nothing but huge names. the highlight for me was getting to hold a six million dollar jimi hendrix flying v guitar. i'd go back just to do that again.

then we walked through princess diana park to buckingham palace, which was trippy to say the least. the palace itself wasn't as impressive as i had imagined, but the fountain in front of it was unreal. some of the coolest sculptures i've ever seen, and me being the type that is really moved by art, was standing there speechless. oh yeah, something else i noticed about london; they say the police don't carry guns, and that may be true of the beat cops or patrolmen, but i guarantee there were plenty of swat looking guys with their hands on the triggers of m-16s walking around london, and they don't like to have their picture taken. especially the ones in and around buckingham palace. unfortunately though, we weren't able to see the changing of the guard, but that may be something to put on the list for another visit.

the next morning we woke up early and went to the british library, which was my favorite part of london by far. in one room they have original works of shakespeare, c.s. lewis, davinci, handel's messiah, mozart, beethoven, the beatles, an original guttenberg bible, THE magna carta, and on original king james bible. it was absolutely amazing to sit there and read the king james bible. i was overwhelmed with a sense of pride in knowing that i was reading something that truly has stood the test of time. there was also this feeling of satisfaction in knowing that the message i give to my youth group is the same message that God has been giving man for thousands of years. in one way, it made me feel really small because i kind of got a taste for the long reaching impact of the message of Christ, and i have my small little corner here in simi. on the other hand, it made me feel really important because i realized that i am part of a long list that includes some very distinguished and admirable people. this may sound odd, but i haven't been able to get that image out of my mind in a long time, and to be honest, i'm not sure if i really plan on doing so anytime soon. let's move one.

later that afternoon we made our way to ireland, which was some comedy. i've always griped about southwest airlines and how much their flights are like a cattle call. no more. we flew ryan air, which i guess is the equivalent to southwest for europe, because they had the cheapest fares, and they fly everywhere. well, the balance to the cheap fares is sitting in seat so close together that the in flight meal may as well be your knees. i'm not even that tall, and i could barely fit between the seat, fortunately, the flight wasn't that long, and i can pretty much sleep anywhere. unfortunately, the plane is bright yellow and bright blue on the inside, and just the reflection of light makes it impossible to sleep. it's one of those things i can look back and laugh because i know i don't have to constantly rely on that for transportation. the funniest part though, was the stewardesses dressed like hot dog on a stick employees, who were selling stuff on the plane. they don't have complimentary drinks or snacks on ryan air, but they do have a menu. the menu has the usual stuff like peanuts, sodas, candy... then they have watches, teddy bears, backpacks, flowers and pretty much anything else that you would never expect to see on a plane. it was like flying on a flea market. good times.

so we land in ireland, catch a double decker bus to downtown dublin, and proceed to the temple bar district, which is the heart of dublin. what a crazy town. seriously, they need to rename the island Guinness, because that's all that the irish talk about, and evidently it's all they drink too. seeing a Guinness sign in a restaurant window there is like seeing the visa/maastercard logo in a window here. needless to say it was a bit of a journey to find a pepsi anywhere, but i did manage to find the irish mixture for coke. not so good. anyways, dublin was a cool town. everyone hangs out in the pubs and watches football and has a pint from about 5-7 then everything shuts down. seriously, one minute we're walking down the street, ducking in and out of pubs checking out the different bands playing, then the next thing you know it's only the tourists out. a little weird, but fun.

the people of ireland are amazing too. they'll talk to anyone about anything irish all day long, and we met plenty of people that were ready and willing to do so. i loved it, because i was having these conversations, and i know these people were speaking english, and i didn't understand a single word. authentic irish gibberish, so much fun. even the little kids were hard to understand. i was barely able to understand our tour guide the next morning, but you get the idea that the whole island is kind of like that crazy little brother, to the stale and polite english older brother.

so on thanksgiving, we decided to take a celtic history tour. typically, i'm not a take the tour kind of person, but i'm so glad we did. our first stop was a tomb that was believed to be the spot where the evil spirits of the island rose from the ground. the tomb was literally a mound of dirt, but it was older than the egyptian pyramids, and inside was on of the first carvings of a human face. most other carvings at that time were of the human body, and there sitting in this old tomb was this unreal artifact. we then went to this abbey that had the oldest standing celtic cross in the world.

the celtic cross has always been a point of interest for me, i've always wondered why there was a circle around the cross. the celts were a pagan race, that believed there were hundreds of gods, and the island itself was a god, they worshipped the sun, because when the sun was out, things grew, things lived, when it was cold, things died. when the first missionaries came over to talk to the celts, and told them that there was only one God, and the sun wasn't it, they would get their heads chopped off. no barbaric race wants to hear that their gods aren't real. anyways, over time missionaries figured out to change their message, and sated saying that Jesus was the 'God over the other gods', and they combined the image of the cross with the image of the sun. so the celtic cross is really a symbol of diluting the message of Christ, and compromising the beliefs of Christianity. But the artwork on the cross really interested me. the celts did not believe in a written language (if i write down what i know, then you can know it, then you will be smarter than me) so the missionaries would use pictures, or carvings to tell their story. so in one frame you have this poor guy being sold out by his friends, then he's taken prisoner by these men, then he's killed up on a cross. but in the pictures, the poor guy didn't look like a Jewish guy, and the bad guys weren't Romans, they were Irish monks and vikings. interesting, they reworked the story to make it relevant to those they were preaching to, if this doesn't strike a chord with the current trend of american mega churches, it should. so i guess the question i started asking was how to find a balance between this message that has stood for the test of time, and still make it relevant to the culture i'm on w/o changing the meaning.

we stopped for lunch at a restaurant in small town, and ended up having turkey and stuffing which was cool, because it was thanksgiving day. then i met my favorite irish person of the trip. there was this stereotypical old irish guy sitting at the bar drinking his pint of Guinness, wool hat, jacket, sweater, the whole nine. he made some comment to me, then proceeded to talk to me and mi hermana for several minutes... i didn't understand a single word. i think he was mad because he may have been asking us questions, and we were just standing there nodding our heads. regardless, it was fun to hang out with some locals.

then came my favorite part of the trip. we went to slane abbey, where st. patrick became famous. here's how the story goes. patrick was a slave captured by an irishman, and forced to work for seven years. he learned the language and customs of the irish, and escaped to england on a fishing boat. he went back to france and decided to become a priest. after several years of schooling, he felt a calling to go back to ireland as a missionary. so he went back and changed the way Christianity was brought to ireland. for hundreds of years, priests went to the commoners to teach Christianity, because it put them on a level playing field spiritually as their masters, and the masters weren't having anything to do with God. every year to appease the sun god, the king of ireland would assemble all of the druid priests, and light a huge bonfire as a sacrifice to bring out the sun. every clan would send a reporter to the bonfire to report on what happened. so patrick builds a bigger bonfire than the king, and lights his first, getting the attention of not only the reporters, but the king and his men. so the king gathers up his men and charge over, expecting a fight (see next paragraph) only to find one unarmed man charging at them. they're thinking this guy is either crazy, or he has a powerful god on his side, either way, they don't fight him. patrick talks to the king, and tells him that there is only one God, and Jesus is Him. the king challenges patrick to prove it, and sends him in with some druid priests to a room, and patrick is the only one who comes out. the king then gives permission for patrick to tell of the Jesus, but he doesn't convert out of respect for his ancestors. so all of these reporters go back to their clans telling of this powerful Jesus, and his servant patrick. now, when priests come to these clans and ask if the people know about Jesus, the people are excited to hear about this all-powerful God. so i'm standing there on this hill, and the wind changes direction, and brings about this arctic chill. this story was amazing, one man completely changed the history of a whole nation. i realized how often i sell God short of what he is capable of doing, and how limited my own vision for the future is. one man changed an island. wow. suddenly converting a whole city or school doesn't seem like such an impossible task. this is one of those moments that has really had a profound impact on me. i'm still sorting out all of the details, but i do (still) feel a new sense of purpose and possibility when it comes to my ministry.

then we went to tara hill, which is where the celts used to crown their king. this is where the term 'king of the hill' comes from. rival clans would fight over who would be king, and whoever could hold the hill was the king for however long they could hold it. in 1600 years they had over 800 kings, so you can imagine it was a pretty stressful job. anyways, after the king had won his battles, the druid priests would cleanse (think hazing) them for a week, and allow them to touch this sacred rock that was supposedly the center of the heart f the island. i touched the rock, and my reign was about 30 seconds until me hermana took over. i like to think i was a good king.

so we headed back to temple bar, had a night of tourist shopping and getting lost, then got to work on getting back to england. the next morning we rode the bus all the way down to a ferry, that was supposed to take us across the sea to wales, and we were going to ride a train back to oxford. problem, that arctic storm that came in made the seas too rough, and the ferries weren't going to be running until the next day. problem. my flight left at 10am the next day. so we booked it back to the dublin airport and coughed up the extra money to get on a flight back that night. we had some chill time at the dublin airport, which was good, because we were tired and kind of getting on each other's nerves a little bit. a quick flight back, led to an adventure with trying to find a train back to oxford, where me and jake got to get all of our stuff back, sleep for three hours, before i had to get back to london to catch my flight.

what a crazy week. my first real vacation was def a memorable one. we took a bunch of pictures, i lost a lot of them on mi hermana's computer, i stayed at some hostels, had some english food (which was surprisingly good), met some good irish folk, was king for a few minutes, walked more in a week than i had in the previous month, got some cool stickers for my table, a couple of t-shirts for the closet, and a bunch of crazy stories. oh yeah, speaking of hostels, if you want to add an element of craziness to your trip to europe, i def recommend staying at hostels. the one in oxford was crazy, the people were pretty loud, and the rooms were mixed, so i ended up sharing a room with 20 other people, and had no clue who they were. the one in london was cool, and a lot nicer. the three of us were in there with some japanese girls, we think, but we never heard or saw them. really weird. the hostel in ireland was the real trip though, we had a french roommate who never said a word, a south african roommate who had just moved to ireland, and a kiwi roommate who had been in country for a while, and was looking for a flat. the kiwi was some comedy, and we invited him to grab a bite to eat with us the second night. the next morning though, was the 'yep, the US is a little different from here' moment of the trip. i got up early to take a shower, and as i'm opening the door to get my towel, i realize that the bathroom is a mixed bathroom. i realized this because there were two girls changing, and they laughed when i got embarrassed and shut the door. awkward much? i'd say so. wither way, it makes for a funny story now. all in all though, i had a great time. mi hermana was an awesome tour guide, and being in such a different place really put things into perspective for me. i'm not sure what that means, but i think you're supposed to say that after going to europe.

MERRY CHRISTMAS MADNESS
so after a few weeks of getting back into the swing of things, we had our year end big event, merry christmas madness. we doubled the attendance from last year, and had a really good time of outreach and craziness. i toned back some of the stuff on our list from last year, but the kids seemed to have a blast doing it. the video is still in the works though, several months later. too much stuff going on. not a great excuse i know, but the truth. so i'll prob post more on that when the video gets finished (thats the plan for the next few days)

all in all, i'd say it was pretty fun, and i think we have the groundwork for a great event every year.

YOUTHWAVE RETREAT
one of the benefits of being a youth minister is the fringe benefits. we have an event coming this summer called youthwave, which is an evangelism training camp. so we spent a couple of days up north talking about youthwave, kinda like those weekend sales pitches where they offer you a free toaster to hear about the joy of owning a timeshare. except that our 'time away' means a bunch of us getting together to get something done, then have a blast hanging out. so we talked about youthwave, which has me impressed to say the least. essentially, you get training every morning on how to preach to strangers, then they drop you off in los angeles all afternoon and you talk to strangers about God. here's the cool part though, the focus of the week is not to convert strangers, it's to get over fears we have of talking to our friends about God. it's an amazing concept that i'm really banking on to spur some great changes here. the focal point of the week is actually to write four letters to friends that you want to grow closer to Christ. i'm not the first to say it, but letter writing is starting to be the next big thing in ministry. if you're not writing letters yet you will be soon. anyways, we had some awesome praise and worship time, and we stayed up nice and late joking around, talking youth ministry stuff with the only people that could possibly identify.
the trip was sponsored by pepperdine, and since we stayed at a friends' house in morro bay, they had extra money left in the budget, so our host took us out to pismo beach to ride atv's on the beach. let me repeat that for all of my friends outside of southern california: last december we went to the beach and rode atvs. i had a blast. i'm not so much into the jumping dunes and all that, but i did love taking the atvs down the edge of the water at 60mph, going so fast your eyes dry up. too much fun. anyways, that's how we roll down here in socal, work hard, play hard.


CHRISTMAS VACATION
i'm a big fan of christmas. someday i'm going to be the guy that has 20,000 lights on his house, dresses like santa for the neighborhood kids, serves egg nog to anyone that comes over, and constantly hums christmas tunes. this past christmas was a blast. i kept my shopping to a minimal, got people stuff that they needed and wanted, and got it all done in one day, christmas eve. actually, christmas eve in our family has kinda become the holiday. we're all up and not tired, other families are usually able to join in, and we have a whole day of excitement to build up to our dinner and presents. anyways, this year was fun, because the whole family was able to make it out to my parents' house, which always leads to some good stories. and most importantly, mom was able to get most of the snowman militia out for the celebration. anyways, here are the other highlights:

the good: everyone really chipped in and mom wasn't near as stressed as i thought she was going to be. the cooking was great, we had plenty of food, no big drama, just a lot of chilling with the fam.

the bad: my aunt inadvertently telling jokes that make a guys locker room sound clean. me and my cousins trying to not to look at each other to keep from cracking up. my aunt repeating the joke with no clue of how dirty it was, and me and my cousins losing it and pointing out what she said. to top it off, my mom is now wondering how we know about certain things we know about, and my granny i think has given up on our family.

the ugly. the cuz singing his one country song for the whole family, a song about a dysfunctional redneck christmas. my other cousin's wife commenting on how much that song reminded her of her family.

the sentimental: mi padre not being able to shop for presents for anyone, but managing to describe the necklace he wants to get mi madre. even more sentimental, was him working on singing 'we wish you a merry christmas' for the whole family. it's one of those 'two coins' stories where someone give all that they can, and def puts gift giving in perspective.

the only in our family: after finishing up his first song, mi padre started up into the marine corps hymn, which prompted my grandpa to stand up and sing a long, followed immediately by granny, then my mom and her sisters, then the rest of us. that's right, christmas eve, and we're standing around trying to remember the words to the marine corps hymn. wouldn't trade it for the world.

THE DRIVE HOME

due to a change in schedule, and not wanting to spend 16+ hours traveling by plane each way (layovers on expedia flights are a punk), i decided to drive out to texas for christmas. it was awesome. mi hermana got to come out to simi and we hung out for a day or so. then we drove straight through to frisco, tx. not an eventful trip, but we did manage to have fun together, despite the fact that we were rarely awake at the same time.
the real fun was driving back by myself though. one of those wild at heart moments where you feel like you've conquered the road. i really enjoyed having the radio to myself for a day, and i know i blew at least two of my speakers. but, i got to see a lot of our great country, the desert at sunrise, and i was able to just talk out loud to God for a loooooong time. that last part happened early on, as it became more necessary to have louder music as i went on. lets just say by the time i was 45 minutes from home, i was listening to motorhead's greatest hits. my only complaint about the drive home was el paso. seriously, someone needs to go to el paso and make every person there retake the driving test. the interstate is not the place to see if your car can make it up to 45 mph. nuff said. anyways, it was a good drive, one that i am glad is out of my system.

NEW YEARS
this new years was pretty fun, and it def qualifies as one of those 'fun despite the circumstances' nights. we were slated to go to knott's berry farm for new years, but it rained a torrential downpour new years eve, so half of our kids backed out. whateva, those of us that went had a blast. the best part, was that the weather cleared up as we were heading south, and by the time we go there the skies were clear. so all of these people that had bailed on knott's left the park open to the few thousand of us that stayed the course. me not being one for rides, i still had a blast hanging out with the kids, and we all had a great time watching one of the best fireworks shows i've seen in a while. so it was a long night, but, i did get a good laugh the next day when i saw the...

BEST PRANK EVER
so i walk into my office sunday morning, new years day, and open my door to see nothing but newspaper... floor to ceiling. my whole office was filled with newspaper. it was soooooo funny, just thinking back on it is making me crack up. i have yet to get the culprits back, but plans have been set in motion, and they will reap the consequences for the greatest prank ever. by the way, the cleanup took a total of 12 man hours, and six mini dumpsters full of newspaper.

BBQ AND FRIENDS
so i took off to san diego a few weekends ago, and i just thought it was noteworthy to comment on how much i love going down there to visit mi amigos, esp the girls at north county c of c. they have one of the most close-knit groups i've been around. they have a way of building each other up that is pretty sweet , and def makes me feel like i'm having one of those on top of the hill moments. it also doesn't hurt when you split the pot playing poker. regardless, it was a fun night, a good bbq, good friends... nuff said. can't wait for the next trip down.

and while i was down in s.d., i stopped by to say hola to cutler and erin, which always turns out to be a blast. it's fun to hang out with people that have completely different lives than you do, just to get some other views on life. anyways, cutler is kind of like a second dad to me, and catching up with him is one of those things that should be much higher on my priority list. that, and he's one of those guys that goes to any extreme to make sure everyone is relaxed and having a good time. we ended up going to a nice italian place with his new wife, erin and her boyfriend, which was one of those mixes of people that only comes from hanging with cutler. needless to say, there was waaaay too much food, then they ordered desert, and there was plenty of great little awkward moments that make an evening interesting. and to top off the night, cutler gave me money to buy this Muhammad ali print that i've always wanted.

NCAA FOOTBALL
next...

THE RAWK SHOW
so one of my kids is in a punk band, officer whitey and the book'em boys, and i went to see on of their last shows over in the valley. what a flashback that night was. maybe thirty kids, all friends of the bands, an abandoned movie theater and plenty of really loud fast music. def took me back about ten years to my days in the punk/ska scene, which was a fun trip. that, and it's kind of fun to see that something that you were a part of has remained around.

DISNEYLAND
a few weeks ago merlin had a one night seminar down in mission viejo, so a group of us that went decided to stay down there that sunday night and go to disneyland that monday. i'm not typically the disneyland type, but man i have to say it is so much fun going with a bunch of twenty something guys. i still laugh at the image of the five of us grown men walking around, going on rides. and then there's buzz lightyear, the ride of choice for ronald and merlin, who have every target memorized, and compete with disneyland imagineers for the top score every day. yeah, we def rode that ride 14 times in one day, and i would venture to say that is not a record for either one of them. anyways, i actually had fun riding space mtn, and the matterhorn, which is cool because i'm not really the rides type of person, but space mtn esp is cool, because you can't tell how high up you are, and i can't really psyche myself out. the funniest part of the day though, would have to be me literally bumping into nikki hilton. i just apologized and then started laughing, because i couldn't think of anyone who i would be less likely to ever run into again. hard to explain, but at the very least i got to add to my celebrity spotting list.

ARTWORK
i've been working on my artwork a lot lately too. ever since i saw this guy banksy's work over in england, i've been really into stencil art ever since. i hope to have some of that stuff posted soon on my other blog dedicated to my artwork.

WALKING OFF THE STREET
lately we've had several kiddos that have pretty much walked in off the street to the youth group. it's pretty crazy to be honest. one kid started coming because he heard we had prayed for him and his family a few moths ago, another started coming because his family life is pretty crazy, and another started coming on her own to church just because she was interested. i've always been a firm believer that God will send us people when we are ready, and i think that this is a pretty good sign of where the group is at. the tough part goes to me on crossing over from a pastoral type of minister to an evangelist minister, but i think it's going to be fun.

BLACK OPS
we've got several college students, including valley girl and a-list, who have asked to start helping out with the youth ministry. let's see, volunteers coming to me to help out, all of which happen to be friends of mine here at church.... um, okay. yeah, needless to say, i'm pretty stoked about what is possible with this group, but i know that a good portion of my time coming soon is going to be dedicated to them and getting them events to pull of with the kiddos.

FINAL THOUGHTS
wow. this took forever. if it seems a little disjointed, it prob has something to do with the fact that i started this post a while ago, and have worked on it for several days and many hours. but, having it done def feels therapeutic, like i have one less thing on my list of stuff that
needs to be done. hopefully i can move on now and continue to do what i've done in the past, and update on tuesdays. we'll see. well, i'm going to relax for a bit and listen to the new jack j soundtrack to the curious george movie, do roots tonight, and then go home and play on guitar till i fall asleep. here's to you the devoted reader...

one love, one heart.

coming soon...

i'm working on a huge post to update this blog. it's going to be long, i promise... keep checking back.

one love, one heart.

i can't stop laughing....

goulet graph
Originally uploaded by braddahdj.

oh man, this made my day. hope you get a kick out of it too. stay well!

I'm just tryin' to keep everything in balance, Woodrow. You do more work than you got to, so it's my obligation to do less. Gus McCrae-Lonesome Dove

physically speaking i have terrible balance. this would be the root of many of my sports related injuries and mishaps. my lack of balance contributes almost solely to my inability to longboard well (both skating and surfing), my fear of heights, and me always running into things and or slipping and falling. one of my problems is that i favor my right side so much, i am often not centered, and tend to not focus on my weaker (left) side.

i've also noticed lately that i have terrible balance when it comes to God providing for me, or to put it simply, the good outweighs the bad. here are a few of the things that have happened to me lately that have brought about this realization.

my bank card was declined the other day when i tried to pay rent, buy as and get cash from the machine. bad day. the reason my card was declined was that someone was trying to access my account and set off a security protocol that deactivates my card. in short, someone was trying to get into my money and they failed, and my bank protected me. much better day.

my apt complex would not take a personal check after my card was declined, so i had to drive 35 minutes to my nearest bank branch (don't ask why) and get a cashier's check and some cash for the rent and spending money for the next few days. bad day. but, my drive to my bank in port hueneme includes 15 minutes of driving through farm country near the coast. it's a beautiful drive and i got to listen to some great music on the way and just relax and enjoy the rainbow that God gives us after rain. good drive, very good day.

for the next week or so until i get my new card, i can not use an atm, or purchase anything online, or with my old card. so, i'm getting phone calls and letters from bill collectors about my card being declined. way lame day. but, after having to pay for everything in cash or check, i'm having to take a look at how i'm spending my money. i've been looking through my finances and finding new ways that i can save money, which is a much bigger priority in my life. i think when i get a day to just work on my finances, i'm going to have a lot of my stuff more organized. very good and necessary day.

this month i am out of town a lot. actually, i'm going to be gone from church four sundays in a row. not necessarily the best thing when there are many fires to take care of, and i def have an increased stress level, and most of all, i don't like being away from the kiddos. bad month. but, the reasons i'm gone four sundays in a row go like this: guest speaking at a retreat, jr high retreat, visiting my sister in england for thanksgiving, and a high school retreat at pepperdine. and, i've got a youth deacon that is missing hanging out with the kids teaching class on sundays. retreats, guest speaking, deacon involvement, traveling to europe... awesome month.

i've got a kid in the youth group that takes a lot of my energy when they are around. a great kid, with a great heart, that just takes a lot of 'talking to'. it's my job, and i love it, but it does add up to be a stressful thing having to talk with them about EVERYTHING. not necessarily bad, but energy consuming. anyways, their parent let me know recently that after a lifetime of looking forward to community college, they have changed their mind and their son now wants to go to oc and be a youth minister because of my influence. i felt like neo in the matrix when he just starts flying because he can. i was so ecstatic, i could barely contain myself, and i def cried right then and there. good day just doesn't seem to capture the feeling, but you get the idea.

the day after i got back from portland, i had a chance to see one of my friends, lameesa, who was in socal speaking at one of dantheman's retreats. we did the usual cracking up and just hanging out doing nothing and loving every minute of it. had a great talk and stuff was discussed that has me stoked for what the future might hold. way good day. on the way back i got stuck in traffic and it took almost four hours to get home. bad day, but not bad enough to make me forget how cool it is to hang out with the oc crew.

last and probably least, i got a giant stack of mail today. normally, a bad day seeing as how most of my mail consists of bills. but today was a good day, i got an autographed picture from mr robert goulet himself. oh man, i have not stopped laughing since this morning. and yes, the picture is now in a frame hanging on an office wall.

here's the kicker...this weekend we have a jr high retreat, with the theme of 'zero balance', and i don't think that there is really a coincidence between what i've been thinking lately and the theme of the retreat. my part of the retreat deals with the scripture regarding the ten lepers. in short, they call out to Jesus for pity, (note: they cry out for pity, not to be healed) and Jesus sends the to the local priest, and on the way they are healed. only one of the lepers comes back and thanks Jesus, and he turns around and rewards that man for his faith. the thing is, Jesus gave them more than what they asked for, and he did exactly what these guys needed him to do. it's crazy. i don't know how much of my life i've spent as one of the nine, but lately i really feel like God has been blessing me for focusing on being thankful for all of the blessings i have received, despite some of the garbage i have had to deal with lately. it's a great feeling, and i def feel like i should be throwing myself at the feet of Jesus.

Dear God,
I'm at your feet right now. It's where i belong, and it's where i want to be. thank you for giving me more than i ask for, and exactly what i need.

one love and one heart.

In the time it's taken to play this game you could have flown from Baltimore to Iceland. -Tim McCarver/WS Game 3

*disclaimer: this post was written in several parts over a few days, and it's been a while since my last post, therefore it's pretty long and a little disjointed. also, i can't figure out how to stop advertisers from commenting on my blog, so sorry for all the random comments.

hola blogworld, there's a lot going on, so i figured i would catch my breath for a few and write it all down before it slips my mind. the past couple of weeks has been (yet again) an awesome roller-coaster of emotions, stokedness, excitement, sickness, tiredness, overwhelmingness, and overall craziness.
when i last updated, the astros had just lost one of the most memorable playoff games in baseball history, storybook, the whole nine. anyways, uncle strech called up the cuz and said if the astros made the series, we had tix to a game if we could make it out. needless to say, the astros won the next night, and as soon as the last out was made, the cuz had our tix to houston printed out . chalk that up as yet another benefit of bachelorhood, no questions asked about seeing your team in the series. just a matter of tix. anyways, we were more than stoked, lawdog convinced the elders that i needed the time off after all the stuff thats been going on here lately, so i didn't even have to use my vacation days. seriously, short of the astros actually winning a few games, it was a perfect trip. so here's some of my thoughts on the flight out, looking for astros paraphernalia, and the games themselves.

white sox fan comment of the day goes to the guy on the plane out to l.a., who asked us (at nine in the morning) if roy oswalt had given up any runs yet.

i have to be more careful of the term 'my team' when it comes to sports. i think fans have this ownership complex when it comes to sports, we like to refer to teams as 'ours'. well, that had to change for me this past week, because we were sitting in front of the daughters f the owners of the white sox. they were pretty cool, and we got along pretty well, despite cheering on opposing teams. but the comment was made about 'our team', and i had to laugh, because it really was their team. that doesn't look near as funny online, but trust me, we had a good laugh. i was just glad the houston fans were respectful when the sox won. we turned around and congratulated them on the win and wished them the best, something they assured us would not have happened had the astros won the series in chicago. nuff said.

part of the hype and fanfare of going to the world series that really cracked me up was all of the people running around getting their hands on whatever astros merchandise they could find. i say this as one of the masses, who has never bought a program for any sporting event, and am currently looking at my framed world series program. i even picked up a couple of shirts for mi hermana and mmi madre's neighbor. oh yeah, i even bought a foam finger because i've always wanted one and my parents never let me have one.

i have to give up to the astros organization for being cool to the fans. i really wanted to keep my ticket from the games in pristine condition, sans the usual back-pocket folds that i typically incur. they handed out these little sleeves to put your ticket in the first game, so i got to keep both of mine in perfect condition, and those are now framed and in my office as well.

i also have to give it up to the astros fans. you would be hard pressed to find a situation where there were two out, or two strikes and the crowd wasn't on its feet. even in the fourteenth inning at 130-am of game three, and the last few outs of game four. and nobody left, not a single soul. it's pretty understandable when people payed what they payed for tickets, but was really cool when most of the fans stuck around even after the astros lost, and gave them a standing ovation for a good season while the white sox were starting to celebrate.

so on to thoughts on the game itself: this is the frustrating part, sorta.
i think the astros were just played out after beating the cardinals. nuff said. ensberg only had a few hits, and left a bunch of guys on base, and adam everett couldn't manage to get any of the twenty people in scoring position across the plate. that and i think he had a series high ten strikeouts. i stopped counting. then there's the almighty astros bullpen, that just got worked over. something got to lidge, and the white sox just didn't have any fear about where they were heading. i think it is important to note that none of the astros losses were charged to starting pitching though.

fundamentals win games. errors give the opposing teams extra out and motivation to take advantage of extra opportunities. that will get you to the post season, but to win in the post-season you must not only have the fundamentals down, but there must also be those one or two people that step it up every game and come through in what sports enthusiasts like to call 'the clutch'. it's pretty easy to see that the astros had the fundamentals down, every game of the sweep was close, and could have gone either way, but the astros did not have those guys step up in the clutch like they did against atlanta and st. louis.

after all is said and done though, it really was a great series, despite the 4-0 sweep. i had a blast, and i couldn't be more stoked that the astros actually made the world series, and i was there. although, there were two things that frustrated me. the first foul ball of the game was flying straight at me, it was a movie moment. music was playing, time was slowed down, until the idiot in front of me bumped my hand just enough to were the ball bounced off the back of my hand, and landed in the cuz's lap. at least the ball is in our apt for me to look at. then, two innings later the same thing, and the same guy knocked the ball away from me. one of those moments where i had go through my mental dictionary and cross out several words that i wanted to say. oh well, i was there.

possibly the best thing about actually going to the games though, was not having to listen to the worst announcer of all time, tim mccarver, butcher the airwaves with his unbearable, misinformed, idiotic play by play commentary. ugh, i would pay to go to any world series just to not have to listen to him. seriously, fox can keep the world series right, but they need to let tim mccarver go. they need to let mccarver go and hopefully he can just keep going. i think the wnba could use some help, maybe he could look there. whatever, bob costas should be required by law to do the world series commentary. he could win an emmy describing a person opening a jar of of peanut butter, and he could bring any viewer to tears with his epic storytelling of world series lore. i think i'm going to put my initiative to separate california in to two states on the back burner for while and address this issue first.

on to other stuff...

in other reasons to celebrate bachelorhood, i got a call at a halloween party late friday night that a ticket was available for the next morning usc game. i'm in, no questions asked. kinda like the word series, it's nice to be able to travel to a sporting event at the drop of a hat, with the only thought having to be 'is that jersey clean?'

and in other sports related stuff, i think it's time that i make my sports enthusiast declaration. i've been working on this a while (the plane to and from houston), and here are some thoughts for my rough draft. feel free to comment with any additions.

1. i reserve the right to cheer on any team that i see fit. wether it is a team i have always liked, or if it is a random game and i have no in depth knowledge of either team.

2. i will check espn, fox sports or any other sports network or information source by any other means whenever i see that it is fit to get updates or analysis on any sporting event.

3. i reserve the right to make any commentary i see fit about any sports team that i follow. i will be sure to clarify between personal opinion and statistic.

4. i will never acknowledge nascar as a sport.

5, i reserve the right to stand at any point of any sporting event and cheer on the team i am pulling for.

6. i reserve the right to make friendly wagers on games, but acknowledge that staking my life savings on any certain team, or outcome of any single sporting event is absolutely insane.

7. i reserve the right to operate as many fantasy teams as i can decently manage. i will not partake in a fantasy league where i never check on my team.

8. i will take my turn on hosting viewing parties of sporting events, and at said events i will provide, or offer to provide beverages and snacks.

9. the size of my tv is directly proportional to my obligation to host aforementioned sports viewing events.

10. i reserve the right to dress up in team colors, jersey, and other team paraphernalia, excluding body paint on a body that is over 215 pounds. fanny packs are also excluded.

11. tim mccarver is lame.

12. as corny as it gets, i reserve the right to hi five any and all fans cheering the same team after a good play. the high five will be used in concordance with the excitement level of the game. i.e. if the astros score a run in april, not a big deal, but if they come back to tie a game in the 8th inning of game four of the world series, everyone in my section is getting a hi five.

13. i will participate in any wave that i see fit, and will not refrain or discourage other from doing so.

14. i will never hit any beach ball towards security, or another lower level on purpose.

15. miniature team flags are unacceptable.

16. any autographed, commemorative, or collectible sports related items will be treated in a manner worthy of the item. i.e. my world series tickets are in a protective frame, on display, and my nascar hot wheels are in the the landfill down n san diego.

17. if i am an avid fan of a particular player on a team, and said player leaves that team i have one of two options. option a: become a fan of that players new team or b: stick with the team and renounce my being a fan of said player. (call this the Marshall Faulk clause.)

well, i think i'm going to have come back to this later, let's change gears here.

so after the stress of the last few weeks, i've kinda been more aware of God's presence, and more aware of spiritual implications of different situations. here's kinda what i've been thinking on lately:

i've always thought it was cool that there were so many names for Jesus, but i never really looked into why. so i've been doing a personal study on the names of Jesus lately and made some kind of cool observations. Jesus really is all things to all people. to different people in my life i take on a different persona. i am d.j. the son, the brother, the grandson, the cousin, the friend, the teacher, the youth minister, trucker, the coworker, the neighbor, the guy at church, the oc alum, the subway customer, the guy in the tahoe, and i'm sure there are plenty of others. in all of these situations people expect different things of me, and have different perceptions of me. I think we have the same expectations of Jesus. sometime i need the good shepherd to guide me back on track, sometimes i need the savior to get me out of a life and death situation, other times i may need the word, and the truth. right now i am looking at Jesus as rabbi, the teacher of the law. sometimes, i feel like i just need the friend of sinners. whatever the case may be, i encourage anyone who reads this to look into the names of Jesus (if you need a place to start, look for the seven 'I AM' statements in the book of John) and see what Jesus you need right now. maybe it's a combination of several. I know there are days when my pride gets away from me that i need the king of the jews, or the most high, so i can be put back in my place.

and last but not least, i've spent the last few weeks redoing my office. i can't really do anything to my apartment, and since i spend more time in my office anyways, i decided to turn it into a place i could really call mine. so out with the old lady carpet, beat up couch, and off white walls. threw some bright white paint on the walls, painted my shelves and table jet black, and i still have to build my new desk, which will also be black and white. the biggest thing though was that i put in pergo flooring in my room. talk about a huge difference, i finally have a place where i'm stoked to chill. and i think it makes me look more legit as a youth minister as well, that my space no longer resembles the old ladies prayer room. anyways, several things hit me on a spiritual level as i was working on my room.

it's nice to have a clean slate. when things are a brilliant white, it makes what once seemed clean so dirty in comparison. sometimes i think my spiritual life is so clean, until it actually gets that fresh coat of paint, and i realize how dirty, dull and off white i had become.

i is important to guard some things when painting. when i was painting my walls, i covered my shelves so as not to get white spots on the fresh black paint. but, i left my desk uncovered because it is old and about to go, and there really wasn't a need, and it would have been a hassle to not have something to set my paint on. i think it is important that i guard myself on certain areas, when there's a chance i'm going to be tainted, and leave some stuff uncovered that can handle a few drops of paint to fit in.

i was putting in the pergo, which is really easy once you get going, but took me a little while to figure out. the pieces fit so well together, i know that if there is a crack it is something in error with me or the floor, but not the pergo. there's also a certain order and direction you have to follow when putting in pergo. i started off going backwards, and was wondering why i was ruining these pergo slats. when i turned things around, all of the sudden things started to click, literally. i had read the directions, people had explained it to me, and yet i still managed to have some slight issues with getting it right. this is what really hit home. i've read the bible since i could read, i've been to church my whole life, and i have a pretty good understanding of christianity, but i still manage to mess up a few slats here and there, and do things a little backwards for a while. inevitably i will step back and take a look at the situation and realize i need to start on the other side. we've got a situation in our youth group that has been stressing me out lately. when i stop, step back, and take a look at the way God intended for me to handle this situation things get so much clearer, and the pieces fit together perfectly. amazing how that works.

also, my office is a mess still. i have some touching up to do, new light switch covers to put on, baseboards etc... so in now way am i done. but i look at the mess my office is in, and i know that when this little project is through, there is going to be a great reward on the other side. with all of the stuff that has hit our youth group lately, i can't wait to see what we have in store for us on the other side.

well, i think i'm going to get back to work, there's a lot on the todo list this week, and i'm back to feeling healthy again. to all my friends,
one love and one heart.