" Who are you, John Locke?"

so here's the predicament that i'm in. there's a lot going on with different people in my life right now. i would love to divulge all of the details on each situation and write about what's going on, but a few of them read this, and a few would probably be hurt or upset by what i would write. so as much as this blog was intended for me to be a place to be completely open and honest, i feel apprehensive about sharing the whole truth. my intent was never to hurt feelings, but to share mine. so you'll have to forgive me if this post seems a little more hidden than usual. i hope you can appreciate though, that this blog was originally intended for me to be able to look back and see what i was thinking at a given time.

anyways, here it goes.

person a: watching someone so close change so much is both a pleasure and a pain. feelings of envy are overcome with pride in watching you move on.

person b: i don't have the courage to say that this is pointless, and there's a huge wall that is fast approaching. if i had half the courage that i wanted i would say no now.

person c: i'm glad that we've become close, and i'm very glad that you're a part of my life, and i hope you understand why i have to be a little bit apprehensive.

person d: a simple phone call from you would do so much. i don't have your number right now and i'm waiting to see how long it s before you figure that out.

person e: there are so many reasons we are close, and every time i'm around you i am reminded that God has blessed me with some great people in my life. the ability to go back and forth between sharing jokes and the stuff that rattles our souls is something that i hope continues on as we grow older.

person f: while you may not get the attention you deserve, i have always admired your ability to stay steadfast in life's storms. so many people look to me as an example and i look to you.

person g: i know there are times where we wish we could throw a switch and go back in time to better days. my prayer is that the times we do spend together you know how much you mean to me.

person h: it's been a weird experience meeting all of the people you've introduced me to.

person i: i need to be more honest with you.

person j: i miss having you around all of the time. i wish that our relationship didn't just consist of stories in the past. but you will always have a piece of my heart.

person k: i wish i didn't want what i can't have.

person l: your faith amazes me. just when i think i've got it you go and say something that blows me away.

person m: i don't trust you. there are not a lot of people in my life that make me feel that way. you have tarnished a part of my life that i want back. all that said, i think i could forgive you if you were big enough to own up to what you've done.

person n: the constant gossip is getting to me. stop it.

person o: i've let you down so many times and you still come back. that means a lot to me. thank you for the patience and tolerance that you teach me.

person p: oh what could have been.

person q: oh what never will be.

person r: i'd be lying if i said i didn't think about you every day.

person s: one of these days i'm going to stop ignoring you, and let you be a big part of my life.

person t: the fact that i can even talk to you without my jaw falling on the floor is a great feat.

person u: i hope that our paths cross sooner than later.

person v: we shouldn't hang out anymore, i don't think it's good for either of us.

person x: you have so much to offer, and i hope that you continue to realize that there is a God that loves you so much, and i do too.

person y: you have completely changed my life, and i can not thank you enough for what you have done for me. i think it's okay that we don't have to say what what we feel out loud. sometimes what's unspoken is better left unspoken. deep down you know how i feel, and what the time comes you'll get the thanks you deserve.

person z: stay cool and have a nice summer.

i hope if you're reading this you don't assume anything. this was just an exercise to say some things that have been on my chest for a while. they're just little reminders of the good, bad and ugly things that are going on right now. it feels good to see this in front of me, and i'm sure in some way it's saved me a couple of hours in therapy just vocalizing what i feel. well, my other computer is finished processing some video stuff so it's time to get back to work.

one love, one heart.