Last night, Darth Vader came down from planet Vulcan and told me that if I didn't take Lorraine out that he'd melt my brain...

ok, so dantheman's couch is a little too small to sleep on, and i'm actually on the floor tonite, but that's besides the point: the great homeless adventure continues. tonite i'm crashing up in murietta at dantheman's apt which is actually really nice. i was a little scared that when he got married his wife (futuremom) would take over the decorating and do something drastic that i would have to give him a hard time about, but i guess they did the shopping and decorating together, and the place looks really cool. not too metro, but just nice enough to make it a nice place to crash. the most important thing is that futuremom made a 'pallet' which translates into 'a bunch of blankets and sleeping bags on the floor, stacked high enough to be really comfortable'. i should have been crashing here all along.
another day went by w/o me purchasing a surfboard, and it's starting to get kind of irritating. part of me is very passionate about learning to surf, and another more practical side is holding me back. surfing is pretty expensive to get into though, and it takes somewhat of a financial commitment for what is not guaranteed to be a great return. whatever, i am going to learn to surf. i recognize my athletic skills are not anywhere close to par, but i've got to be able to stand up on a giant board at least a few times. i just want to to be able to enjoy myself at the beach, and be able to harness some of those beautiful waves that God has given us.
that reminds me of my favorite spot in the world. it's actually pretty popular, but i like it still. it's at the south end of la jolla cove, at a place i like to call the rock. we used to have devotionals out there when i was a teenager, and i remember it was the place that helped me realize that there really was an all powerful God. man, the power of the beach is so amazing. people claim that something as beautiful as a wave can be explained by science and physics, but what about the fact that a wave is God at work with a paintbrush. i can't say enough. the beach is such a powerful tool to explain God to people, you can bet on me bringing my simi kids there as much as possible.
speaking of simi kids, i am getting really antsy to get to work. i can't believe that all my life so far has come to this point, where i am going to start work. i was talking to dantheman today about starting and it really hit me that i think i'm going to be just fine as a working man. normally i would say i am being cocky, but i really feel like its more a matter of taking on the responsibilities of working for God, and letting Him take the driver's seat. this is going to be awesome.
other stuff on my mind... i talked to topgun girl for a minute tonite and i wasn't getting the same vibe that i normally get. i'm getting scared that my moving away is going to keep her away from getting any closer. my other big fear is that i am going to try and pull her in too close too quickly, and end up pushing her away. i know what has me scared though; one of my friends, littlesister, was talking about topgun girl the other day, and said she was probably the most eligible bachelorette in churches around our area. so i'm not the only one that sees something in her, and that's a weird pressure to feel. now i feel like i'm competing with every other guy in our church in san diego. i know i'm not, but i def don't see myself as the most eligible bachelor. well, maybe most eligible homeless bachelor. i've got to stop thinking about this or tomorrow when i take her lunch at school i'm going to say something really stupid.
something else that's been bother me is a guy i kind of call a friend, but i'm not really sure where we actually stand. george mcfly (probably the best descriptive nickname i've ever come up with) has been around for a long time. dantheman and i used to give him a hard time when we were (really mean) 4th graders. anyways, george mcfly went to school to become a youth minister, but there's one problem; he seriously lacks the social skills necessary to do so. this is a guy who literally forgot to wipe his own butt when he was 20 years old. dantheman was his roommate for a while and the stories he can tell would scare any potential churches that george mcfly would send his resume towards. needless to say i'm not the only one that feels this way, it's pretty much a well known fact that someone in san diego is going to have to sit him down one day and explain to him that even though he has the heart for youth ministry, he really doesn't have the gifts to do so. it's not like a rudy story where the odds are stacked against him and he has the chance to struggle towards the top. we are talking about the well being of teenager's spiritual lives in the hands of a guy who can't even carry on an adult conversation. it's like this giant cloud that surrounds churches in san diego, that everyone knows is there but him and his family. i feel sorry for the guy, because so many people encourage him, and build him up when they know he's not cut out for full time youth ministry. nobody knows how to talk to him though. the guy has an out of control temper, and you never really know if he gets what you're are saying. i know my mentor, the godfather, spent almost 6 months with him as an intern, and if there was anyone who could really help him out, its the godfather. when the godfather runs out of ideas, its time to stop and bring this guys to reality. but who is going to do it? i have the tenacity, but i just beat this guy out for a job and i think it would hurt the most coming from me. aside from that, it would be so arrogant and cocky just for me to bring it up, i really don't think it's appropriate. fortunately, i discussed with the godfather and joy fatone (one of the other youth ministers that george mcfly worked with, and a close friend) and they feel like i shouldn't have to bear the burden. man, george mcfly looked like he was going to cry when i told him that i got the simi valley job. he really thought he had a shot at it, but was so far off. he was actually waiting for a phone call about his interview, when the church up there thought it was so obviously not going to work out they haven't called him back in almost a month. i don't want to sound like i am bragging, but it wouldn't have mattered if i was going for the job or not, there have been churches that have passed on him that are desperate to have someone step in. in one case a guy got a call from a friend at a small town church looking for a youth minister, and this guy gave him george mcfly's name and resume. after a terrible interview (which included a three hour ride home from the airport where george mcfly talked the entire time) the guy got a call from his friend asking him if george mcfly was some kind of joke. he was truly hurt that mcfly had been recommended to that congregation. the guy apologized and said he felt so bad for mcfly that he just wasn't thinking straight. there's so much more to this story but i think the point has been made clearly enough. this poor guy is realizing the hard way that he just doesn't have the skills to achieve his dream. i remember when it dawned on me that i was never realistically going to be a baseball player, there was a time of sorrow, and then a time of relief knowing i had narrowed down my future profession by one. i'm not saying it's not good to chase dreams (ie me trying to learn how to surf), but there comes a certain point when reality hits and that dream job (catching for the san diego padres) must be put on the shelf. do i love my dream any less? not a chance! i cry when my team loses and i cheer loudly at every miniscule, mundane achievement. i realize my role is to be in the stands when it comes to baseball, and i'm probably not going to ever be sponsored when it comes to surfing. will i still play catch and put on a wetsuit when the mood hits. w/o a doubt. as for george mcfly, i just don't think he's at a point where he understands that a full time youth minister needs volunteers to help out. but who wants to be the one to crush this guys dreams? part of me keeps going back to wanting to do it myself, because i'm already a bad guy in the mcfly household, but another part of me doesn't want to be remembered as the bad guy. who knows. it'll be interesting to see how the next few days pans out. at the very least, i'm glad he heard about me getting the job from me, and not the rumor mill. i know he was pretty crushed, but i think i said it in a way that showed i really do care for the guy. sigh...... doing the right thing can be so tough sometimes.
till the next time i feel like sharing my thoughts, one love, one heart.

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