More than flashing lights and sounds...

Hola blogworld.

It’s been a while, so I thought I would take this somewhat mellow evening and sit and write for a while. It’s not often that I have an open Friday night to myself, and as lame as it might seem, I’m kind of excited to take a while and write out all of the things that are on my mind. I hope you have a while to sit down and read, and I hope this post brings you a time to pause, rest, relax and maybe even ponder.

Sermon.
I got to preach again last Sunday. I still get nervous when I preach, but this time around it got a little better. Although, my jamba juice breakfast was not sitting well afterwards, and I went to the bathroom thinking I was going to throw up. The worst part was that I left the lapel mic on, so a few people heard me trying not to heave. Classic naked gun embarrassing moment.

Broken.
That was the title of the sermon that I preached. It’s something that’s been on my heart for a while, and a word that is having a major impact on my life.

Brokenness breeds humility. When I start to realize who God is in comparison to who I am, I really have a hard time holding my head up trying to brag about the things that I have done. More and more I am realizing that the things in my life that I have done that are good, are things that God would have me do. At some point we are all humbled before God, either by confrontation or destination. I am tired of being humbled by confrontation. Why do I wait for disasters for God to show me who He is, and how He works through the toughest of times? Maybe I should purposefully seek God out before I am in need, before tragedy. I think of all the people that came to Jesus to get healed, and how they came before Him completely broken. Lepers ostracized from their families, cripples confined to the dirt streets, they were broken. And because of their faith, their humble faith, Jesus healed them.

Brokenness leads to healing. Human muscles are odd. In order for them to grow, they must first be torn apart. But when they do heal, they come back stronger than before. If we never own up to anything being wrong in our lives, how will we ever get better? I hate going to the doctor. It’s a last resort option for me. I don’t know why I am this way, but I will try everything under the sun, including ignoring the pain, before I break down and go to the doctor. But that is what they are there for, to prescribe what we need to be healed. Here’s the amazing thing about the people that Jesus healed, they always got more than what they asked for. A blind man comes to get his sight restored and not only does he walk away with vision, but a clean soul as well. We ask Jesus to make things in our lives better, and He forgives us of our sins.

Brokenness builds community. One of the things I like about our church is how much our facilities are used. The fellowship hall on our property has been used by Alcoholics Anonymous for almost thirty years. Recently, a group split off to start a men’s only group on Tuesday nights, and in just over two months they have gone from 6 to 25+. Their ministry is built around a shared brokenness, and the journey to be healed. Those who are farther along share their struggles with those who are still weak. In the book of James it says that when we confess to God our sins are forgiven, and when we confess to each other we are healed. Jesus said that a hospital is for the sick.

One of the thing I love about my youth group is the crazy stories we tell. It’s how we start off every class. My favorite stories are about people tripping and falling in the mud. We’ve decided that at some point, pretty much everyone will fall in the mud. Here’s what amazes me. Kiddos will call me up in the middle of the week and tell me that they tripped and fell in the mud, and they couldn’t wait to tell someone. We have turned one of the most potentially embarrassing moments and things that I dreaded the most as a teenager into something that we celebrate as a group. We have built community around falling in the mud.

If the number one complaint of non-Christians is that church is full of hypocrites, maybe we should embrace our brokenness, and start talking more about how Jesus builds us back up.

When I went to NYC for Christmas, I was fortunate enough to visit the statue of liberty and ellis island. I think this is where the word broken entered my heart. I start thinking of how many broken people came from other countries to start a new life here. How many people today are blessed because of what our ancestors suffered for us. The strength of our country has always been based on those who are willing to break their backs so that we may become stronger. Our communities are melting pots of cultures that have had struggle to be here.

The base of the statue of liberty reads:
“Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door!”

I think of my ancestors seeing this copper statue dominating the horizon after months of being on a ship. What a sight! The torch raised high in the air offering light to all those that are willing to follow. I like to think that even better than that sight, is a man standing there with His arms wide open and a sign that reads:

‘Give me your poor in spirit, your mourning, your meek, your insulted, your persecuted and your thirsty. Send these who are pure in heart to Me and I will bless them with My Name.’

summer.
It’s always a busy time for me, and this year is no different. I’m kind of behind on my summer planning, but with the help of awesomeintern we are quickly making up ground. Here’s a copy of our summer calendar, and these are just the events that we have planned, nothing in there about just hanging out with kiddos. Fortunately, I am so worn out from the past few months that I have already started calling on God to bless this summer. I’m trying to put into practice destination versus confrontation. I’ll keep you posted on how it goes.

Calendar.


Freedom.
Oh yeah, I’ve been in a really creative mood lately as well. I knocked this painting out for threeve’s youth group a couple of weeks ago, and I’m really stoked at how it came out.


Upside Down Kingdom.
I did this painting during a class at the Pepperdine lectureships last month. I did it as part of a class on creative worship. It was the most fun I’ve had doing a painting in a long time.


Thrice.

I finally got to see thrice in concert last week. It was absolutely unreal. Even if you don’t like the music, I encourage you guys to check out the lyrics of the Alchemy Index albums. Lead singer Dustin Kensrue is quickly becoming my favorite lyricist. Here’s one of my favorites:

Moving Mountains
I speak in many tongues to many men;
Argue with angels and I always win,
But I don't know the first thing about love.

I prophesy and know all mysteries;
All hidden things are opened up to me
But I don't know the first thing about love

I have the keys to open any door;
I give all of my possessions to the poor,
But I don't know the first thing about love

And moving mountains ain't nothing to me;
I've faith enough to cast them to the sea,
But I don't know the first thing about love

But all other things shall fade away;
While love stands alone and still holds sway
All other things shall fade away;
Into the ground into the grey.

I give my body up unto the flames;
And never once have I denied your name
But I don't know the first thing about love.

Here's another one of my favorites:


new hat.
On a realy superficial level, I kind of had to laugh at myself the other day. I had to return a birthday present to the sporting goods store the other day without a receipt. I was offered store credit, so I set out to find something that got me near to the $26.86 allowance. i had the hardest time trying to shop. I don’t really need anything, and most of the time if there’s something that I really want, I save up and get it. In the end I got a new Yankees hat and a half-straw hat as seen here:



Needless to say I felt like a goof spending a half hour trying to find something worth buying. But I do like my new hat.

Moving.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Helping people move is the modern day version of washing people’s feet. We helped this family move on Sunday, and it was an interesting experience for me. One hand, I was glad to get a chance to serve, on the other hand it was tough to be knee deep in so much unnecessary junk. So much of me wanted to be frustrated at a family that has money problems, and I have to literally wade through piles of stuff to get packed up and sorted. But I put that aside and focused on the goal, and fortunately had a thought that made the day easier. This family was only going to be able to take what they could fit in their car, and our place was to help them unload all of the unnecessary stuff in their house. What better way to give someone a fresh start than by helping them sort through and get rid of the junk that holds them down. Days like that turn from frustration to blessing to when you take a step back and look at the ministry that is going on.

Quotes:
I leave you tonight with several quotes from the youth group. They made me smile.

“I guess we married into a pretty rich family.”
- after a discussion on Jesus referring to Himself as the Bridegroom.

“How would it sound if we took their god’s name in vain and said, Oh my money?”
- during a class on idol worship.

“Going to Church is like time off to me. It’s a break from all of the pressures I have to deal with.”

“To me, Church is the place where I feel the most free. I don’t have to be anything to anybody and I can just be myself.”

“When I was little I used to be confused because I thought Jesus healed the leopards. That’s why I always wanted to go to the zoo.”

“I used to think it we were singing, It is well with Pine-Sol”
- in response to the previous quote.

“I don’t think we should try and figure out what Jesus looked like, we should just assume that everyone we meet could be Him.”

“I think they call it the New Testament because you learn something every time you read it.”

“What time is Church over?
“Never”

one love, one heart.

Lucas Ross

Approved by the Minco, Oklahoma Tourism Bureau for your viewing pleasure:



one love, one heart.

"In a year that has been so improbable..."

I may not be a Dodger's fan, but I love going to Dodger's stadium. Tonight was my first Dodger game of the year, and I was excited once again to sit back and enjoy our nation's pastime at one of my favorite sports venues. While i do enjoy the newer ballparks in San Diego, Houston, Anaheim and Seattle, there is a classic feel to Dodger Stadium that makes me glad that it is pretty close by. So i decided to pay tribute to the best way i know how:

TOP TEN THINGS I LIKE ABOUT DODGER STADIUM

#10. group tickets - every year i like to do a guy's night out to dodger stadium, and they have a deal for $5 group tickets. i know most teams do this, but I still think it's cool.

#9. sea of blue - I'll give dodger fans this; they are adamant. you don't just see a lot of dodger blue at games, you see more jerseys and official caps than any other baseball stadium.

#8 the weather - no matter how hot it is, the temperature at dodger stadium always ends up a little crisp by the end of the game. perfect hoodie weather.

#7. smile cam - southern california has talent. the smile cam makes sure that talent gets plenty of attention.

#6. dodger dogs - best dogs in baseball, no questions asked.

#5. the field - in a time where a lot of newer ballparks have opted to go for asymmetrical, over the top designs, dodger stadium stands out by being a classic 1950's concrete encased perfectly symmetrical field. i'm a big fan of design that stands the test of time.

#4. vin scully - not so much a part of the stadium as much as he is a part of the dodger's culture, vin scully has one of the best announcing voices in baseball. vin gets that baseball is a game first, but it often transcends the boundaries of nine innings, and he definitely has the gift to communicate those moments.

#3. history - being at a dodger game feels like you are part of a legacy. seeing jackie robinson's retired number in the outfield is something that always brings chills to my spine. hearing fans talk about koufax, drysdale, and valenzuela is exciting as well. and last but not least, kirk gibson's impossible home run in game 1 of the 1988 world series. my dad was at that game and i will always be jealous that he saw the greatest home run in baseball history.

#2. the grass - it's perfect.

#1. the view - driving in you can see right into the stadium. from your seats you can see the clear silhouette of palm trees against the sunset, and leaving you get a great view of downtown los angeles. ansel adams would be overwhelmed.

see you at the game. one love, one heart.

Crawfordness.

hola blogworld.

i feel like we don't talk anymore. we should go out for coffee sometime and catch up. speaking of catching up... have you ever noticed the questions that people ask when they haven't seen you in a while? last week i had a lot of what i consider unusual conversation at the pepperdine lectureships. i say they are odd because i had to simplify my life in order to effectively communicate with people. most folks call this catching up. either way, i felt that giving all of the details at once would be too much for people to handle. for some reason, i don't think most people are ready for my answer when they ask, "what's been going on lately?"

my easy-for-the-sake-of-conversation answer: "things are as crazy as usual. you know me."
which typically gets a polite chuckle because most people know enough about me to know that my life is a little less than ordinary. and those that don't know me assume the same.

my you-weren't-expecting-this-much-information-now-you're-uncomfortable/bored answer: the past few months have been really interesting. i've dealt with my first murder, kiddo on drugs, signed a modeling contract, gave a motivational speech, decided to go to honduras for a mission trip, tried out for another band, had three non-students ask me for advice about joining the army and two of my kiddos start a fire, all the while developing a crush on a ladyfriend of mine.
note to friends: if you're going to stop to talk, plan on hanging out for a while.

so i guess for the sake of keeping your interest, and providing me reading material years down the road, i should go ahead and rant a little about what is posted above.

tested.
we had a murder in our spanish speaking conversation a few months ago. it was the first time i've ever contemplated quitting youth ministry. having to look at two twelve year old boys and tell them that everything is going to be all right just hours after their mother was murdered was too much to handle. i can't even begin to imagine how they feel. it's been a rough few weeks for the family, but i think as they continue to get counseling and see the overwhelming support they are getting from their church community, they are coming to terms with what has happened. i know i have been very convicted about reaching out to the family. what started out as questioning my faith has turned into a mission to do whatever i can to prove to the kiddos that there is a God that loves them. i can't say that is all for them, but i do feel convicted nonetheless. in the meantime, we have had several of the family members become christians, and our two churches have merged. also, the hispanic church has rearranged their mid week schedule so the kiddos can be more active in the youth group. i am still angry when people say that the unspeakable act had to happen so that all of the good could from it, but i have been given a new understanding to Jesus' words, "blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted."

stupid.
we had a kiddo get busted for drugs a few weeks ago as well. they are doing better now, and the family has pretty much put the foot down. but it has forced me to re-evaluate a lot of things as a youth minister. it has helped me define how i spend my time, and caused me to re-examine my purpose and vision for why i am here. and lastly, it has given me a chance to yell at a kiddo for doing something stupid. i've realized sometimes that is all that can be heard.

famous.
on the fun end of the spectrum. i signed a professional modeling contract last month. we had church directory photos being taken and i just couldn't resist the urge to have a little fun with my staff photo. the photographer liked it so much that she asked me to sign a release so the company can use it for a portrait contest, and possibly advertising. here is the picture that got me a modeling contract.



now that i've made it in the modeling world, i vow to remember where i came from and give back to my community. hopefully that will help keep me grounded. antm here i come.

motivate.
my other recent addition to my resume is professional motivational speaker. the cuz is coaching a pony league baseball team out in camarillo this season, and evidently they were getting beat pretty bad. so i was called in to lighten things up last week before a game with a motivational speech. i based it off of one of the greatest speeches i had heard from joe david back before a kappa softball game, and added a few of my own pieces of flare (big glasses, cleats, stirrups and a tight-fitting cubs jersey). it went something like this:

the past two games, you guys have been run-ruled, which is lame. so your coaches have hired me to come in and share some of the motivational speeches i have heard over the past eighty plus years as a member of the actual cubs organization.

#1. You must have Player Pride (PP).
every member needs to be full of PP and ready to let it out on the field. they must let it flow on the bases, in the batter's box, the outfield, the mound, and even in the dugout. when every team member is full of PP it os obvious, they can't stand still. and it leads to...
#2 Team Pride (TP)
working together as a team creates a TP that can take care of any mess no matter how big or small. when one team covers the field in TP it makes a big statement.

My Four Keys to winning a Baseball Game:
Fundamentals - throw, catch, hit, run.
Athleticism - be ready to make the big play.
Reliability - trust your teammates to back your play.
Teamwork - there's no "I" in win.

Needless to say, the Camarillo Cubs won that game, and the two since. I've been asked to come back on Weds to help coach.

contact.
If you would like me to speak to your team/office/organization please contact my booking agent.

global.
i'm heading to honduras in june. i'm getting more excited as the date nears. i'm also getting nervous because i still need to raise some money.

music.
audition number two: not successful. oh well, i guess i'll keep playing my own brand of acoustic ska on the porch.

all you can be.
a word of advice for all you readers that might be interested in joining the armed forces. if you do choose to sign up make sure you talk to your parents about it first, even though you might be old enough to make the decision yourself, talk to you parents. they have eighteen years invested in you, they will probably be able to help you make the wisest decision. if you do sign up for the army, don't wait until two months later to tell your parents. and lastly, get them to pay for your education.

camping out.
two of my jr high boys were building a fort in the hills and decided to start a campfire. in southern california. needless to say there were police and firemen involved, and two scared boys were taken home by the authorities. picture me with a straight face trying to explain to the two most pure-hearted boys why this was a bad idea. it's been fun trying to balance 'boys will be boys' with the seriousness of fire safety, but all things considered, i'll take this any day. at the very least, i'm working on a trip to my friends' fire station for the boys to learn about fire safety.

confidential.
so i've been talking to a new ladyfriend a bunch, but unfortunately for you i am not at a place where i'm going to give details just yet. after reading through my entire blog over the past few weeks, it has become obvious that the more i mention about a ladyfriend the more painful the ending. so i'm done.

myers-briggs.
evidently this is the go-to personality test to go to. i thought it was interesting. now i can discuss my personality at dinner parties (if only i could remember what the letters stand for). anyways i am:

Your personality type is ENFP.
Extraverted (E) 61%   Introverted (I) 39%
Intuitive (N) 73%         Sensing (S) 27%
Feeling (F) 100%         Thinking (T) 0%
Perceiving (P) 82%     Judging (J) 18%

which means:

(myers-briggs results)

neil diamond.
i saw his neilness tape a segment for the jimmy kimmel show last tuesday. it was amazing. entertainers just don't entertain like that any more. here are a couple of pics my concert neighbor took on her contraband phone. eat your heart out mi hermana.




well, my season 1 of the three stooges is almost done downloading from itunes, so i guess i'm out of here..

one love, one heart.

150.

Hola Blogworld!

I started this blog on a August 16, 2004, a surreal day, as a time capsule of sorts. It is a huge blessing to have this much of my life in journal form, because I can go back and see how much I have changed and grown over the past few years. In the past 149 posts I’ve gone from a jobless intern to a ‘veteran’ youth minister. I was head over heels after a first date with a crush from high school, now I’m only into dates with serious potential. I was living in a small room for free at the house of one of the widow’s at church, and now I am sitting in my comfortable bed in my apt that has three plus years of wear on the carpet. What started out as a response to a quiet summer day with an uncertain future has turned into a public timeline of a growth chart. I want to thank everyone who has read my blog for showing some sort of interest in my life. And I would especially like to thank the faithful few who have read most of my postings and been kind enough to comment either online, or vocally. It cracks me up to run across people who I haven’t talked to in a while, never met, or didn’t realize they know how to turn on a computer, and have them mention something about my blog. My original goal was to keep a private journal in a public place, and it has turned into me learning how to share myself with the world using available technology. I also appreciate my friends who keep up with their blogs. I’m terrible at keeping in touch, and sometimes my only connection to people is through what they share with the world. It’s not ideal, but I appreciate the time and effort people put forth to share. All that being said, thank you for being a part of my life. Your encouragement means a lot to me, and I hope that this can continue to be an open place of sharing my journey with anyone that’s interested.

So after reading all 400+ pages of my blog, i've made a few observations:

the actual address of my blog is chapmionshipvinyl. the correct spelling was already taken and i didn't think anyone would notice. this is by far the most frequent observation that people give me.

when put into a word document, my blog as a whole is too big to spellcheck, not that i do that anyways...

while i rarely spellcheck or proofread, i almost always double check movie or music quotes.

before this post, i've written 159,887 words, for an average of 1073 words per post.

i figured out that the word mathematically in the middle of this blog is 'intimate' which is a pretty cool coincidence.

anyways, there's a bunch of stuff to update you on that i'll post sometime soon, but for right now i just wanted to thank everyone who reads this for encouraging me to continue this venture.

one love, one heart.

Spring is in the air.

I feel a haiku coming on.

Huge Yellowjacket.
Trying to sting me at work.
You're stuck in the blinds.

I hope you calm down.
Then I'll open up the blinds.
Should not have flown in.

Please stop your buzzing.
It is getting annoying.
Just go to your home.

Back to my office.
You still have not flown away.
I guess I showed you.



one love, one heart.

Yes, I like technology. Always and forever.

If you're like me, then you're a big fan of the internets. It's great for the email. I bought a used statue of bill and ted one time at the ebay. Most of my bills I can pay when I log on to the web. Between imdb.com solving all of my movie questions, espn.com solving all of my sports questions, and wikipedia answering the rest, I have become a fan of a lot of dot coms. Oh yeah, and there's yahoodotcom. I'm not sure what it does but it must be good because my computer goes there every time I turn on the internet.

But today was great, because I found a new website that is really funny. You may have heard of youtube.com because now you can put videos on the world wide web. Here are my top ten favorite videos of all time that I have found today:


even my furniture guy has a website video.


I'm going to start videotaping my paintings too.


Some advertisers like to use the internet.


I hooked my VCR up to the internet to show this one.


They even have TV on the internet.


Some people like to take movie clips and re-arrange them to make it funny.


Rap stars like to put music videos on the world wide web.


Rap stars like to put music videos on the world wide web.


Now you can show the whole country your son (or daughter's) dance recital!!!!!!!!1


The best idea is to use the internets to advertise your business. This could make some people a lot of money.


Be sure to check out our official sponsor:

one love, one heart.

2 Corinthians 12: 9-10

"My grace is enough; it's all you need. "
My strength comes into its own in your weakness. Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over. And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.

-the message.

one love, one heart.

kim jong il vs. joe strummer

is it just me or is it possible the kim jong is a fan of the clash?

a few months ago i started listening to classical music on a pretty regular basis. it's great for studying, background music, and going to sleep. tonight i was channel surfing for a while before i started to doze and i came across a classical concert on cnn. i stopped surfing for a minute to see why this was news, and saw the headline across the bottom of the screen; "new york philharmonic performing in pyongyang, north korea". this is huge. i was excited to watch because these kinds of things have the potential to change history. this is the largest group of the first song that i caught was 'an american in paris' by gershwin. when the conductor was introducing this masterpiece, he made a comment that he hoped one day someone would write 'an american in pyongyang'. i couldn't agree more. the best part of the comment was that the north korean audience applauded in response. they are brought up to believe that we are an evil empire, filled with hate, so for them to applaud that statement gives me hope that someday we can be at peace with this country. i know there is a long way to go in attaining peaceful relations with north korea, but if that road can be built by visits from the nyc philharmonic instead of the us military i think we would all be better off. that's not a dig against our military, but rather a dream that we can achieve our goals through something as universal as music. i think music has the power to save the world. in the early 1970's different musical groups were allowed unprecedented access to china, and several years later the entire country was opened up to the west. in africa, groups of former children soldiers are rallying people against violence that has shattered their country for years.
i know it's easy to get stuck in the rut of listening to whatever 3:33 that gets fed to us by the labels. but for my money, the best music out there is the music that is honest, earnest, and dangerous. johnny cash ended his career with a song about God's vengeance, james brown began his career with songs about racism, and tonight i'm watching a group of new yorkers play on the other side of the korean border. it makes it all the more meaningful for me to end with...
one love, one heart.

" Who are you, John Locke?"

so here's the predicament that i'm in. there's a lot going on with different people in my life right now. i would love to divulge all of the details on each situation and write about what's going on, but a few of them read this, and a few would probably be hurt or upset by what i would write. so as much as this blog was intended for me to be a place to be completely open and honest, i feel apprehensive about sharing the whole truth. my intent was never to hurt feelings, but to share mine. so you'll have to forgive me if this post seems a little more hidden than usual. i hope you can appreciate though, that this blog was originally intended for me to be able to look back and see what i was thinking at a given time.

anyways, here it goes.

person a: watching someone so close change so much is both a pleasure and a pain. feelings of envy are overcome with pride in watching you move on.

person b: i don't have the courage to say that this is pointless, and there's a huge wall that is fast approaching. if i had half the courage that i wanted i would say no now.

person c: i'm glad that we've become close, and i'm very glad that you're a part of my life, and i hope you understand why i have to be a little bit apprehensive.

person d: a simple phone call from you would do so much. i don't have your number right now and i'm waiting to see how long it s before you figure that out.

person e: there are so many reasons we are close, and every time i'm around you i am reminded that God has blessed me with some great people in my life. the ability to go back and forth between sharing jokes and the stuff that rattles our souls is something that i hope continues on as we grow older.

person f: while you may not get the attention you deserve, i have always admired your ability to stay steadfast in life's storms. so many people look to me as an example and i look to you.

person g: i know there are times where we wish we could throw a switch and go back in time to better days. my prayer is that the times we do spend together you know how much you mean to me.

person h: it's been a weird experience meeting all of the people you've introduced me to.

person i: i need to be more honest with you.

person j: i miss having you around all of the time. i wish that our relationship didn't just consist of stories in the past. but you will always have a piece of my heart.

person k: i wish i didn't want what i can't have.

person l: your faith amazes me. just when i think i've got it you go and say something that blows me away.

person m: i don't trust you. there are not a lot of people in my life that make me feel that way. you have tarnished a part of my life that i want back. all that said, i think i could forgive you if you were big enough to own up to what you've done.

person n: the constant gossip is getting to me. stop it.

person o: i've let you down so many times and you still come back. that means a lot to me. thank you for the patience and tolerance that you teach me.

person p: oh what could have been.

person q: oh what never will be.

person r: i'd be lying if i said i didn't think about you every day.

person s: one of these days i'm going to stop ignoring you, and let you be a big part of my life.

person t: the fact that i can even talk to you without my jaw falling on the floor is a great feat.

person u: i hope that our paths cross sooner than later.

person v: we shouldn't hang out anymore, i don't think it's good for either of us.

person x: you have so much to offer, and i hope that you continue to realize that there is a God that loves you so much, and i do too.

person y: you have completely changed my life, and i can not thank you enough for what you have done for me. i think it's okay that we don't have to say what what we feel out loud. sometimes what's unspoken is better left unspoken. deep down you know how i feel, and what the time comes you'll get the thanks you deserve.

person z: stay cool and have a nice summer.

i hope if you're reading this you don't assume anything. this was just an exercise to say some things that have been on my chest for a while. they're just little reminders of the good, bad and ugly things that are going on right now. it feels good to see this in front of me, and i'm sure in some way it's saved me a couple of hours in therapy just vocalizing what i feel. well, my other computer is finished processing some video stuff so it's time to get back to work.

one love, one heart.